DUMB PACKAGING LABELS

  In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
  1. On Sears hairdryer:
  "Do not use while sleeping."
  (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)
  2. On a bag of Fritos:
  "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
  (Evidently, the shoplifter special)
  3. On a bar of Dial soap:
  "Directions: Use like regular soap."
  (And that would be how. . . ?)

  4. On some Swanson frozen dinners:
  "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
  (But it's *just* a suggestion)

  5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):
  "Do not turn upside down."
  (Oops, too late!)

  6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
  "Product will be hot after heating."
  (As night follows the day . . . .)

  7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
  "Do not iron clothes on body."
  (But wouldn't this save even more time?)

  8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
  "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We
could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just
get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
  9. On Nytol Sleep Aid:
  "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
  (One would hope)

  10. On most brands of Christmas lights:
  "For indoor or outdoor use only."
  (As opposed to what?)

  11. On a Japanese food processor:
  "Not to be used for the other use."
  (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

  12. On Sainsbury's peanuts:
  "Warning: Contains nuts."
  (NEWS FLASH)

  13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
  "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
  (Step 3: Fly Delta.)

  14. On a child's Superman costume:
  "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
  (I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)
  15. On a Swedish chain saw:
  "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
  (Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?...Good grief)
  16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid:
  "Do not use on food."
  (Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's OK honey just grab the Palmolive!)
  17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste:
  "If swallowed contact poison control."
  (Oh please have you ever heard about someone dying from swallowing a
little
toothpaste?)
  18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent:
  "Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine."
   (Hey no more swimming in the washing machine kids)