Hey Pinheads,  I just got this in a message on another list where the
members are ALMOST  as wacky as we are.  I thought it was too good not to
pass on.  Ruth

PS:  I'm trying out my newfound ability to change the colors like Ralph does.


> Christmas With Louise!!
>
>
> As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his
> fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill
> them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true
> because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were
> overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
>
>
> One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and
> went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things
> at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never
> been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was
> there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?  You're kidding
> me! Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll
> section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also
> substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane
> during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love Dolls come
> in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of
> the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I
> settled for Lovable Louise. She was at the bottom of the price scale. To
> call Louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination.
>
>
> On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came
> to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the
> wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the
> dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some
> cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I
> went home, and  giggled for a couple of hours. The next morning my
> brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a
> present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She
> would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.
>
>
> We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of
> the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional
> Christmas dinner. My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in
> the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked.
> My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."
> "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped.
> I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut.
> "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.
> "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice Gran" Jay said, to steer her into the
> dining room.
> But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?"
> Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no
> one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny,
> hang on!"
> My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me
> and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?"
> I told him she was Jay's friend.
> A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise.
> Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized
> this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.
> The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died,
> who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a
> noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched
> from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in
> front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my
> nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began
> administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over
> his chair and wet his pants.
> Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
> It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
> Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to
> decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had
> suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately,
> thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to  perfect
> health!
-- 
Ruth Barton
[log in to unmask]
Dummerston, VT

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