Hi Denise,

        Okay - an example of the reality concept and the customer thing.
Saturday, had I had just come back from my dinner break, we call numbers,
now everyone is real good at changing the machine when they service someone
and occasionally the machine flips more than one number - as I pick-up my
keys and reattach my name badge I walk out and look at the number thingy
and ask one of the folks what number was last - before I can and this man
begins complaining about waiting and the number thing not working and his
has number 13, then the guy next to him - says well I have number 12 and I
have been waiting - I am next. The number thingy says 96 and Cheryl say  she
has number 98. And the number 12  man continues to demand I wait on him
becasue he is next and out number system is screwed up and he has been
waiting etc ad nausem.... In the mean time I can't call a number over his
diatribe and he heading toward me and our door purposefully - I am about to
summon security as we are suppose to when customer get confrontational  - so
it was as much to my surprise as everyones elses -that  I opened my mouth
and tell him - "put a lid on it". He stops stunned and repeats put what I
said. I start bellowing out numbers starting at 100 - and low and behold
number 102 answers and I go and help them. And the others call number and we
move on. I ended up with number 13 when this guys come back when number 12 -
now having been waited on comes back and starts yelling at me for embrassing
him in front of his nephew and he just got out jail from serving 6 years and
he won't be disrespected like this, etc.

The reality from where I stood looked like this - I return to a counter
jammed with bodies and want to get the next person - as I have been gone for
an hour and didn't hear the last number called and know that the machine can
skip number someone may have not pushed the button to advance the numbers -
so I check to insure I get the correct next person. I am confronted by an
angry male who demands I wait on him becasue he has a number lower than the
man next to him - never mind  the 20 folks standing there. When I don't
comply - he advances on me - geeting more agressive and more demanding. I am
suppose to call security and let them handle problem customers - which I
have done in the past. For some reason I don't do this I just tell him - Put
a lid on it - I have no way of knowing he is an ex-con - its not exactly
tatooed on his forehead but I do know he is being rude to me and to other
customers. I dealt with it.

In his reality I did that becasue he is an ex-con not becasue he was being
rude. I am the one being rude becasue I don't jump on his I am next and wait
on him - he doesn't know I can call security ( and right now about now -
that includes the real police) and I doubt this would look good for a
parolee to cause a distrubance in a store. He didn't at all see his behavior
as rude or obnoxious - he viewing the world from the chip pn his shoulder
about being an ex-con and the treatment he expects because of it. He got
that treatment but not becasue oof his ex-con status but becasue of his
nastiness and my need to play fair with  taking people in order.

What puzzles me is why didn't I call security? I learned the hard way
several years ago to not deal with angry customer when  a woman pissed off I
didn't wait on her next becasue she was in a hurry and therefore should be
waited on ahead of everyone else -started throwing things at me and yelling
if she had been white I would waited on her and her money was just as good
as white people then stalked off - well I ducked ( hey lots of practice
here - my second ex-husband threw things at me all the time - from hamburger
to car parts) - the security guys where upset I didn't call them - but  I
was busy reassuring everyone on both sides of the counter I hadn't been hit
and I was fine and she was gone.

  Most of us are fairly self-centered and view things from our prespective -
had that happened with a disabled person - they well have chalked up my
behavior to their being disabled - just the way he chalked it up to being an
ex-con and the other lady chalked it up to her being black. You pick the
chip on your shoulder and then interpet events to fit it. And sometimes it
does but more often than not it doesn't - you walk off and someone is
wondering - What the hell is their problem???  I take the next person in
line - period - yes I will be choosey if someone is giving me grief  - can
always dawdle with the customer I have or need a potty break. I must admit I
was tied with a customer for a while Saturday - she made several purchases -
and had a problem picking out a watch - so as I am ringing her up and boxing
up her stuff - a group of young ladies are hanging out in the diamonds and I
know they next - so I am smiling at them and ready to let them know I will
be with them in  a minute - when she says to the young lady next to her
looking straight at me - look at that slow bitch - she even get the f'ng
tags off. At which point -  the hell if I am waiting on her.  Let someone
else get her. Its amazing to me that people think negative behavior on their
part well net them what they want. Or that becasue we are behind the counter
they can say and do what they want. Actually I think it has little to do
with us and everything to do with them.

I read a very good book yesterday - called Factoring Humanity and it dealt
with the fact we are alone inside our heads and to date we think we are
alone in the universe. In the book they receive messages from Alpha Centauri
but can't decipher beyond the first few messages. The main character finally
does and its a machine to enter the human collective conciousness
 overmind) , and she wanders thru looking for something something in her
husbands memories and is astonished how little she truly knows about him,
and how differently she can see him from seeing the world thru his eyes and
memories after she has been inside his thoughts. While she is there - she
feels the presence of someone else - the Alpha Centaurians - and suddenly
all over the world people are nicer - the man who is about to shoot her
husband - suddenly can't do it even thought he has killed others before - he
now sees his victim as a person with a wife and a family and a life. The
books points how how we dehumanize everyone but our selves - like in war you
kill the enemy - and you couldn't do it if you realized the enemy was a guy
just like you - with a home , a family - hopes and dreams etc. The machine
of course has a point - its to gently lead humanity into the knowledge they
are not alone - so when the Alpha Centaurian get here we don't shoot first
and ask questions later -  I am curious - would knowing we are not alone and
being able to see and feel things as someone else change our behavior - for
some it well, and for others I think it would just give them more room to
manipulate others. Humans are more than ocassionally an enigma to me. Thay
are so self destructive.

                                                     Trisha





----- Original Message -----
From: Kyle E. Cleveland <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, December 13, 1999 7:56 AM
Subject: Re: Reality; What a Concept


> ISM,
>
> In other words....shit happens?  I'll buy that!
>
> (Can you take a post-dated check?  The holidays have tapped me out.)
>
> ;P
>
> -Kyle
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: I. Stephen Margolis [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
> Sent: Saturday, December 11, 1999 8:24 PM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Reality; What a Concept
>
>
> Thing about reality is that it isn't a concept, "reality" is a concept.
> Said another way: what we say or think about reality uses
> concepts--given that we also "experience" and "feel" reality.  Whatever
> is reality seems a bit larger than either yours or my mind together (if
> you and I ever have our minds together)--which may be why your having so
> much trouble wrapping your mind around so big a shtick.
>
> Sorry, I didn't read Trisha's post.  Recall I'm on a leave of
> absence--of course, not much different than my usual state of mind,
> being, or reality.  Really!  What the Hell am I doing HERE!
>
> What I think we're talking about verges on solipsism (nearly group
> onanism)--maybe fascism--New Ageism--and the World as Seen from the Eyes
> of the Almighty Megacorp Consumer/Sales Mindset--said simply eat and be
> eaten: consume and be consumed.  We're being set up to be put down.
> This is individualism and responsibility at a near new level of
> miniaturization and minimalism.
>
> People who think attitude and outlook are the basis for what ails or
> aids us don't see very deeply or clearly.  Too much grin and bear it
> when somebody's smashing you over the head with a two-by-four.
>
> Seems my idea-ology contains something of class consciousness,
> economics, politics, and a glimmer of what I don't or ever will know
> when given a moment I may decide to snarl or smile (assuming I have a
> moment to decide).
>
> I think people basically rationalize and look for reasons where maybe no
> justification or explanation is necessary or suffices.  We do what we
> do.  Maybe what's really scary is that none of this or anything we say
> or do means anything.
>
> Now, Denise, you're very smart and logical and sober.  You couldn't
> mistake an egg for a stone.  Why seek logic in the illogical?
>
> Hugs and love,
>
> Steve M.
>
>
> >From: "Denise D. Goodman" <[log in to unmask]>
> >Reply-To: "St. John's University Cerebral Palsy List"
> <[log in to unmask]>
> >To: [log in to unmask]
> >Subject: Reality; What a Concept
> >Date: Sat, 11 Dec 1999 10:46:42 EST
> >
> >I'm having a bit of trouble following this "reality is dependent on our
> >attitudes and thought," ideaology.  My mother subscribed to something
> >similar.  Visualizations, treasure maps, positive thinking, etc bound
> in
> >Christian based teachings.  What Trisha describes sounds very familair,
> but
> >here's where I get lost:
> >
> >Trisha said, "We tend to forget we creat our realities dependent on our
> >attitudes and what we think."  .... "Good customer service should not
> be
> >dependant on selling
> >something but on providing good service - the end." ... "What I have
> found is
> >- life reflects back my attitude. I frown - they frown - I smile - they
> >smile. We tend to forget we creat our realities dependent on our
> attitudes
> >and what we think."
> >
> >While detailing the exploits of retail Trisha goes on to say, "The nice
> thing
> >about sales work is after a while - you can size up people from across
> the
> >room."  Then in relation to the difficult shopper she says, "And I am
> >thinking - Oh no I am going get to her - so I did drag my sale out a
> bit..."
> >
> >That is where I get lost.  Following the original idealogy if life
> reflects
> >back your attitude, then by prejuding the woman who walked up to the
> counter,
> >by sizing her up from across the room and having the negative thought,
> "Oh no
> >I am going to get her," did this create the negative reality of her
> rude
> >behavior?  OR did it work in reverse?  Did the woman walking up to the
> >counter "size-up" the sales people, prejudge and ready herself for poor
> >service, thereby making her the creator of the realitity of this
> negative
> >experience?
> >
> >Now, following along this logic, what if the shopper did originally
> walk in
> >with a predisposed "bad attitude."  When Trisha saw her, instead of
> thinking
> >"Oh no...", what if she thought, "Yes!  This sweet polite woman is
> going to
> >be a breeze.  She will make a good purchase, and will be happy with the
> item
> >and my service."  Now, would Trisha's attitude reflect onto the woman,
> or
> >would the shoppers negative attitude reflect onto Trisha?  I get this
> image
> >of a Western shoot out.  Whose reflection will dominate, win out and
> create
> >the reality?
> >
> >Does "Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations" also include rude
> people?
> >  You see why I'm having so much trouble.  It's the old conundrum I
> face when
> >watching the Five Planet of the Apes Movies.   Who created the reality?
> Was
> >it the birth of the talking ape in the future, or his travel back into
> the
> >past?
> >
> >Honestly I'm not trying to poke fun at anyones idealogy, I just
> wondered how
> >you distinguish which person is creating the reality?  - Denise who
> just
> >can't seem to wrap her own twisted logic around this complicated
> subject :D