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Thank you all so much for your emails. Seriously, all of you.

Many people (2) asked if I actually have Celiac Disease, or if I was
just trolling (4).

18 people expressed amusement, gratitude, and words of caution about the
number of people who take things too seriously.

5 people expressed anger, made accusations, or took things too seriously.

7 people expressed confusion.

3 people's responses confused *me*.

The most amusing reply by far was:

--
Yar Sir,

As a Buccaneer-American (the preferred term among my people, who
consider "pirate" to be a derogatory label mired in negative historical
connotations, though I personally find the whole affair to be rather
"P.C." and obnoxious so you'll not face *my* cutlass over't), I find the
ideas expressed on your web page (venganza.org) to be quite fascinating.
I have long argued that there are not enough pirates, and would dare
suggest that this point of view would find no squabble down at the docks.

I would be willing to convert to your religion, provided (a) my racial
status is not a problem, and (b) you are able to find a solution to your
present dilmmma, for which I have no suggestions. Please provide me, if
you would, with any answers you receive.

Thank ye, and may the wind be at yer sails
--

Other helpful comments:

"Thank you so much.  I have laughed out loud and read this over and
over.  It still makes me laugh.  I have sent it to others that are
celiac aware, family members and friends who will appreciate  it.  The
response has been great.  I asked my husband if he could do the
following.... next time we go into a restaurant and I start my drill on
ordering a gluten free meal, then when it is his turn, can he say, 'I am
a strict Pastafarian and have a difficult time with my diet'?..... He
says he can do it! Maybe we can write up a restaurant dining card just
for the specifics of this Pastafarian diet."

"Good luck convincing your priest. Perhaps he can contract with the
sisters who make the low gluten hosts to make a pasta version (or allow
you to use the marinara sauce alone, separated out from what gets
contaminated by the spaghetti ladel carrying pasta crumbs)."

"I suggest you and all the other faithful members of FNM Communion
revolt.  I suggest you all become Celiacs, immediately, and insist that
those priests also become Celiacs or they will be defrocked.  Insist
that soy-potato pasta be substituted at communion."

"Don't listen to your priest.  Has he spoken directly to the Flying
Spaghetti Monster?  Or is he just repeating something he read that is
supposedly the word of the Flying Spaghetti Monster written down by a
bunch of guys who claim to have spoken with the Flying Spaghetti
Monster?  There is no way to know if they got the message straight or if
there even was a message.  Maybe they just made it all up because they
like uncooked wheat pasta.  You can't be sure.  You can be sure of what
will happen to you if you eat the wheat pasta, and it isn't
transubstantiation.  So stick to your guns, and refuse Holy Communion. I
believe the Flying Spaghetti Monster also said 'Blessed are they who
shun wheat, for they shall have healed guts.'"

--

I do in fact have Celiac Disease. I know that it can be depressing at
times. And anyone who reads this list regularly, well...I know we could
all use some *good* news occasionally.

Hence my attempt to lighten to mood. If you were offended, I don't
really care too much. If your spirits were brightened and the dark
shadows were chased away, at least momentarily, then good; this was my goal.

Ramen,
John of Blacksburg, VA

*Support summarization of posts, reply to the SENDER not the CELIAC List*