Kathy,

That was, I suppose, good and bad news about Chris.  We are having almost a
summer like day in Denver so I have been sitting out on our deck on the
swing for much of the day.  I got the flue, or something like it, this week
so last night I was up most of the night.  Several times I thought I was
going to up chuck but fortunately, my stomach finally calmed down.  We had
our prayer meeting last night and three new people came.  I was a bit more
emotional than usual but when you feel the hurt and pain of others, it is
hard not to be emotional.  Out on the swing, I was thinking about Chris and
wondering how he was getting along so thanks for that update.  Kathy, that
is a normal feeling you have with him out of the house, of course, and I am
happy for you but sad for Chris.  The psychiatrist hopefully will be able to
come up with a diagnosis which will allow them to introduce medications that
should help Chris.  I hate medical treatment but that's my pride feeling the
dislike.  I don't know what the shrink will discover but keep in mind that
one or two, or a half a dozen, sessions isn't necessarily the final word on
a diagnosis.  His anger is masking something, though, and you and Greg are
just in his way.  Frankly, I always like it, when people with whom I pray,
can feel their anger because it often allows the Lord to lead us directly to
areas of woundedness where lies have been implanted.  Anger of this nature
is a clear sign Chris is hiding something he does not want to look at.  Why?
Because it hurts too much.  Anger is also an excellent tool to use to push
people away.  My last pastor had anger that could choke a horse.  I was so
wounded myself at the time, I wasn't able to understand what he was facing.
His pride also was used to keep people at arm's length and when that doesn't
work, anger comes in very handy to force people back.  Angry people are
simply afraid, fearful, people because, as I said, they are afraid you are
going to find out what they are really like and they will do just about
anything to keep from facing their pain.  That's because they don't like who
they really are.  A good friend of mind came over one day and told me about
how he had gotten born again.  When we first meant, he wasn't saved.  His
wife had left him and his five children.  I asked how things were going
since she left.  He said, she caused so much trouble and heartache and pain
in the family structure, that even his own children were saying they were
glad she was gone.  This feeling, unfortunately, is somewhat deceiving.  We
felt this way about Gretchen when she went to the home.  Fortunately, the
Lord had, in a very dramatic way, that is, putting me into the hospital with
the worse case of flue I've had since I was a teenager, had brought me to
the place I was able to fully turn Gretchen over to the Lord.  I thought I
had done that but in the hospital, He made it very clear one night that I
was mistaken.  My daughter is a blessing now instead of a curse.  I guess,
Kathy, what I am saying, you and Chris are linked, bonded.  this bondeding
is natural, of course, because you are his mother.  Getting underneath his
anger is going to reveal some ugly things he thinks about himself.  It is
also going to reveal his fears and he is one frightened young man underneath
all the toughness right now.  He uses you and Greg because he knows you'll
put up with it.  He isn't doing it at the center because he knows they
won't.  Furthermore, I know it is a releaf right now to have him out of the
house but it doesn't mean your feelings and concerns have gone away; it just
means the pressure is removed.  We don't care about the pressure being
removed; we want the power of God and His healing power from the things that
frighten us.  Bipolar is one of the most popular diagnoses today but
regardless of what they come up, keep this in mind.  Your son is not
mentally ill regardless of what the medical professional say.  Yes, he has
some problems.  I've got a hunch of what some of those problems are but
without cooperation and praying with him, I might be totally wrong.  Also,
don't make the mistake of believing Greg is taking all this so calmly.  Greg
is not what he seems on the outside.  He's got some spiritual gifting the
Lord wants to use and unless I miss my guess, the Lord is going to use Chris
to minister to both you and Greg.  Very likely to the whole church where you
pastor.  You may not like what is revealed in your own life as a result but
it will be for the glory of God and that's a good thing.  As I suggested, if
he is medicated, and I would find it difficult to believe they wouldn't
recommend and prescribe such treatment, that doesn't mean everything is
over.  The drugs only assist in allowing the person to slow down enough to
focus on what is really wrong.  Unless we find that in each of our lives, we
won't walk free in Jesus.  You and Greg have been doing everything right and
if some day more needs to be done, the Lord already knows about that so
Chris belongs to the Lord.  Chris may not like that but it is the truth and
he will eventually come to that truth some day.  Keep in mind, I am no
professional.  I just know how to pray for people and with people and not
because I am some brilliant Godly Christian.  It is because I feel the Love
of the Lord for others.

Phil.



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