A friend of mine sent me this and I thought you all would be amused.  Really cute!
> FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF
> ENGLISH:
>
>
>
> 1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.
>
> 2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.
>
> 3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
>
> 4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS
> AND APES?
>
> 6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-
> HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
>
> 7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
>
> 8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS
> WITH SOAP?
>
> 9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS
> IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
>
> 10. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
>
> 11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"
>
> 12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN
> ENDANGERED PLANT?
>
> 13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
>
> 14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
>
> 15. WHY DO THEY LOCK PETROL STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE
> WILL CLEAN THEM?
>
> 16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
>
> 17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
>
> 18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO
> REMAIN SILENT?
>
> 19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
>
> 20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD
> SIGNS?
>
> 21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
>
> 22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
>
> 23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
>
> 24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
>
> 25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
>
> 26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
>
> 27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
>
> 28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
>
> 29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?
>
> 30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?
>
> 31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?
>
> 32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
>
> 33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY
> BECOME DISORIENTED?
>
> 34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD ?
>
>