Phil,
    That's funny.  Thanks for posting those.

Amy
----- Original Message -----
From: "Phil Scovell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, February 16, 2006 5:26 PM
Subject: Funnies


> I have no idea if these are true and the book referred to is real or not.
> They are still funny to read.
>
> Phil.
>
>
> These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts" and
> are  things people actually said in court, word for word, taken
> down and now  published by court reporters that had the torment
> of staying calm while  these exchanges were actually taking
> place.
>
> Number One.
> Question.  Are you sexually active?
> Answer.  No, I just lie there.
>
> Number Two.
> Question.  What is your date of birth?
> Answer.  July 15.
> Question.  What year?
> Answer.  Every year.
>
>
> Number Three.
> Question.  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> Answer.  Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
>
> Number Four.
> Question.  This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
> all?
> Answer.  Yes.
> Question.  And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> Answer.  I forget.
> Question.  You forget? Give us an example of something that you've
> forgotten.
>
>
> Number Five.
> Question.  How old is your son, the one living with you?
> Answer.  Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
> Question.  How long has he lived with you?
> Answer.  Forty-five years.
>
>
> Number Six.
> Question.  What's the first thing your husband said to you when he
> woke up that morning?
> Answer.  He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> Question.  And why did that upset you?
> Answer.  My name is Susan.
>
>
> Number Seven.
> Question.  Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
> voodoo or the occult?
> Answer.  We both do.
> Question.  Voodoo?
> Answer.  We do.
> Question.  You do?
> Answer.  Yes, voodoo.
>
>
> Number Eight.
> Question.  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
> his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> Answer.  Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>
>
> Number Nine.
> Question.  The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
>
> Number Ten.
> Question.  Were you present when your picture was taken?
>
> Number Eleven.
> Question.  So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> Answer.  Yes.
> Question.  And what were you doing at that time?
>
>
> Number Twelve.
> Question.  She had three children, right?
> Answer.  Yes.
> Question.  How many were boys?
> Answer.  None.
>  Question.  Were there any girls?
>
> Number Thirteen.
> Question.  How was your first marriage terminated?
> Answer.  By death.
> Question.  And by whose death was it terminated?
>
>
> Number Fourteen.
> Question.  Can you describe the individual?
> Answer.  He was about medium height and had a beard.
> Question.  Was this a male, or female?
>
> Number Fifteen.
> Question.  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
> deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
> Answer.  No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>
>
> Number Sixteen.
> Question.  Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
> people?
> Answer.  All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>
>
> Number Seventeen.
> Questions.  ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did
> you go to?
> Answer.  Oral.
>
>
> Number Eighteen.
> Question.  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> Answer.  The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> Question.  And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
> Answer.  No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
> an autopsy.
>
>
> Number nineteen.
> Question.  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>
> Number Twenty.
> Question.  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
> for a pulse?
> Answer.  No.
> Question.  Did you check for blood pressure?
> Answer.  No.
> Question.  Did you check for breathing?
> Answer.  No.
> Question.  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
> you began the autopsy?
> Answer.  No.
> Question.  How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> Answer.  Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> Question.  But could the patient have still been alive,
> nevertheless?
> Answer.  Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
> practicing law somewhere.
> 
>
> Learning Jesus
> www.SafePlaceFellowship.com