Phil, That's funny. Thanks for posting those. Amy ----- Original Message ----- From: "Phil Scovell" <[log in to unmask]> To: <[log in to unmask]> Sent: Thursday, February 16, 2006 5:26 PM Subject: Funnies > I have no idea if these are true and the book referred to is real or not. > They are still funny to read. > > Phil. > > > These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts" and > are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken > down and now published by court reporters that had the torment > of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking > place. > > Number One. > Question. Are you sexually active? > Answer. No, I just lie there. > > Number Two. > Question. What is your date of birth? > Answer. July 15. > Question. What year? > Answer. Every year. > > > Number Three. > Question. What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? > Answer. Gucci sweats and Reeboks. > > > Number Four. > Question. This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at > all? > Answer. Yes. > Question. And in what ways does it affect your memory? > Answer. I forget. > Question. You forget? Give us an example of something that you've > forgotten. > > > Number Five. > Question. How old is your son, the one living with you? > Answer. Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. > Question. How long has he lived with you? > Answer. Forty-five years. > > > Number Six. > Question. What's the first thing your husband said to you when he > woke up that morning? > Answer. He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" > Question. And why did that upset you? > Answer. My name is Susan. > > > Number Seven. > Question. Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in > voodoo or the occult? > Answer. We both do. > Question. Voodoo? > Answer. We do. > Question. You do? > Answer. Yes, voodoo. > > > Number Eight. > Question. Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in > his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? > Answer. Did you actually pass the bar exam? > > > Number Nine. > Question. The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? > > Number Ten. > Question. Were you present when your picture was taken? > > Number Eleven. > Question. So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? > Answer. Yes. > Question. And what were you doing at that time? > > > Number Twelve. > Question. She had three children, right? > Answer. Yes. > Question. How many were boys? > Answer. None. > Question. Were there any girls? > > Number Thirteen. > Question. How was your first marriage terminated? > Answer. By death. > Question. And by whose death was it terminated? > > > Number Fourteen. > Question. Can you describe the individual? > Answer. He was about medium height and had a beard. > Question. Was this a male, or female? > > Number Fifteen. > Question. Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a > deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? > Answer. No, this is how I dress when I go to work. > > > Number Sixteen. > Question. Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead > people? > Answer. All my autopsies are performed on dead people. > > > Number Seventeen. > Questions. ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did > you go to? > Answer. Oral. > > > Number Eighteen. > Question. Do you recall the time that you examined the body? > Answer. The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. > Question. And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? > Answer. No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing > an autopsy. > > > Number nineteen. > Question. Are you qualified to give a urine sample? > > Number Twenty. > Question. Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check > for a pulse? > Answer. No. > Question. Did you check for blood pressure? > Answer. No. > Question. Did you check for breathing? > Answer. No. > Question. So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when > you began the autopsy? > Answer. No. > Question. How can you be so sure, Doctor? > Answer. Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. > Question. But could the patient have still been alive, > nevertheless? > Answer. Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and > practicing law somewhere. > > > Learning Jesus > www.SafePlaceFellowship.com