More Mc Donalds.

Date:         Tue, 21 Mar 2000 14:38:43 -0500
From:         Trisha Cummings <[log in to unmask]>
Subject:      Re: Ask A Wiccan...From "The Onion"



Isn't that Maccabees?
         Grin

> It's about time the Tithe were raised.  Especially given the
competition
> from wannabees.
>
> Definitely Christ.  Most definitively Jewish.
>
> Where do I send my donation?
>
> S.
>
> ----Original Message Follows----
> From: "Kyle E. Cleveland" <[log in to unmask]>
> Subject: Re: Ask A Wiccan...From "The Onion"
> Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2000 12:06:07 -0500
>
> They also reported that He's not happy that people are giving less
than
10%:
>
>
>        "Historically, I have asked for no more than 10 percent of the
total
> earnings of my flock," said Christ in a 25-minute statement aired on
> Christian television stations throughout the world, including Trinity
> Broadcasting Network, Eternal Word Television, and Cristo Telemundo.
"But
> recent cost analyses by my accountants indicate that current donations
from
> my believers are not at this level and are insufficient to meet my
earthly
> financial needs."
>
>        Christ underscored his point with an earning/expenditure chart
> illustrating that in the first quarter of 1997, He listened to an
average
of
> 233 million prayers per day while collecting daily revenues of $6
million.
>
>        "This works out to just two and a half cents per prayer, which
barely
> even covers my overhead," Christ said. "If this sort of fiscal
imbalance
> continues, I may have to answer even fewer prayers in the future."
>
>        "In my Father's house are many mansions," Christ said. "They
are
not
> cheap to maintain."
>
>        Christ cited Warner Robins, GA, resident Willard Baines as a
prime
> example of the sort of tight-fisted follower with whom He is
frustrated.
>
>        "Mr. Baines owns a grain-and-feed business that takes in some
> $800,000
> a year, thanks in no small part to his faith in Me. Yet, last Sunday,
he
put
> just a single dollar in his church's collection plate," Christ said.
"If I
> am not mistaken, this works out to a donation of just .00010052
percent of
> his overall gross-adjusted income for the said fiscal period, a far
cry
from
> the recommended 10 percent."
>
>        "He also lusted after his niece on two occasions," the Savior
said.
>
>    Too funny!
>
> -Kyle
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Trisha Cummings [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
> Sent: Tuesday, March 21, 2000 12:04 PM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: Ask A Wiccan...From "The Onion"
>
>
> If it's "The Onion"  a satirical magazine at http://www.theonion.com/
it
> is poking fun - I am not upset - they also Found Christ in a Potato.
>
>
>
>  > I dont get it either. It looks like a lot of things Trisha has
said. Do
> you
>  > think this was meant to be funny, or an actual column?
>  >
>  > ----------
>  > > From: Kyle E. Cleveland <[log in to unmask]>
>  > > To: [log in to unmask]
>  > > Subject: Ask A Wiccan...From "The Onion"
>  > > Date: Tuesday, March 21, 2000 10:38 AM
>  > >
>  > > Dear Wiccan,
>  > > Our youngest child just went off to college, and empty-nest
syndrome
=
>  > > has
>  > > really begun to set in. My wife and I thought this would be a
time
for
> =
>  > > us to
>  > > rediscover our freedom, but instead the joy has left our
household.
Any
>  > > tips?
>  > > --Lonesome In Lodi=20
>  > >
>  > > Dear Lonesome,=20
>  > > Blessed be!