Pot Talking to the Kettle
Trying to come to the aid of his Father, who was
stopped by an officer for speeding, the lil' tyke
piped up, "Yeah? Well, if we were speeding, so were
you !" ...
Goony Bird
After many years of marriage, a husband has turned
into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to
his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all
day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she
did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just
shrug her off with some bored comment.
This went on for many months and the wife was going
crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the
wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy
chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble
running down the side of its mouth.
The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the
bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird"
and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he
exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!"
Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and
with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed
it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful
forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the
shopkeeper said, "Goony bird! The shelf!"
Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and
demolished it in seconds.
"Wow!" said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my
husband's attention, nothing will!"
So she bought the bird and took it home. When she
entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled
on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game.
"Honey!" she exclaimed, "I've got a surprise for you!
A Goony bird!"
The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Goony
Bird, my foot!"
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