In a message dated 11/08/1999 12:51:06 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:

<< I personally don't have any problems with depression. But everyone is
 different. >>

Agreed -- my disability is part of who I am now, and I like all of me.  That,
by itself, "ain't nuthin' but a thing," as they would have said in my old
firehouse.  The thing that nearly killed my spirit was climbing out of the
initial "pit" and getting on with facing the challenge to get that "I win"
feeling, and then being thrown out -- as useless -- by people I trusted and
admired.  What a lousy feeling that was.  I came all that way emotionally and
afterwards, they as much as said, "we don't care -- we still don't see any
part of you that is worth anything."

That did cause depression that had to be treated pharmaceutically (I took
Zoloft too, by the way), but now what is left is that recognizable
distinction I mentioned in my previous post (and thank you Ken, for your kind
"bravo").

I don't want to imply that I am opposed to, or judgmental about, treatment
for depression.  It is treatable and I almost found out myself -- the hard
way -- that failure to seek treatment can have tragic consequences.  I was
just fortunate enough to stumble into the office of a competent psychiatrist
who was able to recognize when treatment was no longer necessary.  I had to
develop skills to cope with situations I never had to cope with before.  He
could see that.  I suspect that I will probably be working on developing
those skills for the rest of my life.  This whole situation seems to require
more mental discipline than I had before.  I don't count that as depression
though, and I definitely don't mean that I think depression is a thing from
which one should be able to dispose of at will.

In fact, maybe I should clarify that.  I respect the available treatments for
depression, and my experience with Zoloft is testimony to myself that
treatment is critically important.  If nothing else, I learned that I can
never judge anyone for such a thing.  If I did so before, I paid for it
dearly by trying -- and failing -- to pull myself up by the bootstraps when
it was my turn.

Betty