I've been really slack lately with replying to posts - and email in
general.  I've had a really rough couple of months (trying to get up
the energy to post to the list about it - I really would like for you
all to know what's been going on) and now I've just collapsed with
exhaustion, and respitory troubles, AND depression (bye bye Mr
Sunshine and hel-LO Mr Instrospective Angst), but I've been reading
everything and have a bunch of stuff to reply to - soon.  But first I
had to answer this very important one. (and forgive any rambling
incoherence - I'm tired and emotional)

So -

Dear, dear Betty,

YOU ARE NOT VILE AND DISGUSTING!!!! (Sorry to yell - but this upset me
- I cried) I've said it before and I'll say it again - you are one of
the people who make this list such a haven of safety and strength for
me.  Your take on life is so REAL and gels so much with my own, that
it encourages me to keep going and keep being me whenever I read your
posts.  Knowing that someone like you exists (even if over the other
side of the BLOODY PLANET), helps me so much to feel that I'm not
alone in this world and in thinking and feeling the way I do.  Your
contributions to this list - serious and otherwise - challenge me
intellectually and emotionally - something too few of the people I
have encountered over the years are able to to.  As I think some have
already stated in one way or the other - you haven't rammed anything
down our throats.  You have strength and passion and the courage to
say what you feel and think (a courage I'm still working on myself),
all things I admire and respect above all else.  You say you've
`indulged yourself in resentment and anger'.  Well, so what?  You're
HUMAN - and I don't know about anyone else here, but for myself - I
feel alot happier knowing you are venting your rage here rather that
bottling it up and torturing yourself with it.  In the year or so I've
been here, no matter how much you've raged (usually justifiably)
against things and people - you've always treated everyone on the list
with respect.  And that's all that matters to me personally about
anyone I deal with.
Betty, if you genuinely feel that you need a break from the list for
your own health - then that's what you should do.  But PLEASE don't do
it because you think that you are `poisoning' the list.  I for one
need my regular dose of your opinions and thoughts on the world - they
are necessary to MY health.  Especially now.
Please forgive me if the above has offended, angered, presumed upon,
bored or otherwise irritated either yourself Betty, or anyone else.  I
just don't like to see anyone I care about beat themselves up for the
very things I like most about them.

With much love and hugs for you, Betty - and hopes that either you
don't stay away from the list at all or if you do please - make it
weeks rather than months, you're not at all dispensible.

Rayna

(Sorry to rant and rave and yell - I'm struggling a little at the
moment...)