good stories, mike...

here's a Jewish joke.
4 women were sitting on a bench,
the first one says, Oy.
the second says oy veh.
the third one sighsm and says oy vehesmer.
the fourth one says,  I thought we agreed to not talk about the children!

mag
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Catch you later!


> [Original Message]
> From: Mike Collis <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Date: 6/9/2005 9:32:57 AM
> Subject: Random Acts of Lunwcy-funny
>
> A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
> blizzard in Chicago, returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the
> space .
>
>  Understandably, he shot her.
>
>  ********
>
> After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found
> that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare
> to Beltway had escaped .
>
> Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
> the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a
> free ride .
>
> He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff
> that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies .
>
> The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days .
>
>  ********
>
> An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious
> head wounds received from an oncoming train .
>
> When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was
> simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train
> before he was hit .
>
>  ********
>
> A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an
> examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen abdomen .
>
> It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Your daughter is
pregnant."
>
> The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her
> daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by
having
> sex with a boy .
>
> The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon .
> The mother became enraged and screamed,
> "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
>  "Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am .
>
> It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East,
and
> three wise men came . And I was just checking ...
>
>  ********
>
> When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during
a
> hold-up in Long Beach, California, the would be robber James Elliot did
> something that can only inspire wonder  :
>
> He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again . This time it
worked
> .
>
>  ********
>
> The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine
> and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance
> company .
>
> The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look
> for himself .
> He tried the machine out and lost a finger .
>
>  The chef's claim was approved .
>
>  ********
>
>  Bonus extra
>
> A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him
something
> .
>
> The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up
> over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window .
> For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,
> Please, don't ever do that again . You scared the daylights out of me."
>
> The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't
> realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which
the
> driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all .
>
> Today is my first day driving a cab . I have been driving a hearse for the
> last 25 years .
>
>
>  Martin H. Slusser
>  Author: LOST, NOT FOUND
>  www.storiesbyemail.com