Excuse me! I thought we had teenagers on this list! Do you think your
answer to # 20 is appropriate--i.e. would you want Amber reading a response
such as this?
L.

----------
> From: Trisha Cummings <[log in to unmask]>
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: [DateAbilities] GETTING TO KNOW YOU SURVEY FOR SINGLES
> Date: Monday, May 08, 2000 1:10 PM
>
> Hi Mike,
>
>        Cool, did you think of this? I altered some of the questions to
bring
> out the more inportant points. I am not looking for anyone to date at the
> moment - I am dating 3 guys now - all of whom think I walk on water -
which
> of course I do - in the form of ice!! LOL But I answered anyway!! Several
of
> the questions required a bit of bathtub mulling time.
>
>
> > 1.  When is your birthday?  6/22/53  (46 for at least another month)
> >
> > 2.  Have you ever been married, and if so how many times ( not an
> > unreasonable now - with the third divorce rate up to 16%)?  Yes, 3
times
> >
> > 3.  Do have a child/ren, anything special about them?  Yes, one living
> > daughter with Cerebral Palsy, and one Angel.
> >
> > 4.  Do you have a recent (within a year) photo of yourself you can
attach
> > to
> > e-mail or on a web page I can see? I would drop this to then end and
then
> > rephrase - I never reply to anyone who has to have my pricture - they
are
> > just too shallow. It is far better to get to know someone's personality
> > than see them. Our preception or feelings  about people color our view
of
> > their looks. I would place no emphasis on looks - 30 seconds can turn
Ms.
> > America into Ms. Frankenstein.
> >
> >
> > 5.  Do you practice any religion?  Paganism
> > If so, where do you attend religious services? Mount Vernon Unitarian
> > Church, and as a Pagan Preistess I hold circles at my house.
> >
>              More inportantly than what the label of the religion is and
is
> how spiritually motivated the person is - you need to find out if they
are
> tolerant to others beliefs. I date across faiths, I am dating a
Unitarian, a
> Jew and a Quaker - at the moment. The only set of beliefs I place outside
of
> consideration for any prolonged exporsure to - is the cult - Born Again
> Christians. I adore going to Mass, and Unitarian services.
>
> > 6.  Are you employed? Fulltime or part-time   Yes, both
> >      What's your employment? Fulltime I am a Data Analyst, and
part-time I
> > am a fine jewelry associate in a marjor department store.
> >
>            Additional ask about education and degrees.
>         What is your education level? Post Graduate
>         What is any degrees do you hold? I have a BS in CIS
>         What id an future educational plans do you have - I am 2 courses
> from my first Masters In CIS, will be getting a second one and going on
to a
> PHD.
>
> > 7.  Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Hopefully teaching at
Northern
> > Virginia Community College or one of the other umpteen higher
educational
> > Institutes we have here, and beginning my PhD, putting my kid thru
> > college. Having a SO would a plus.
> >
>              I would change this to 5 years - 10 years is a very long
time.
> My answer is based on 5 time period.
>
> > 8.  What state do you live in?  Virginia
> >
> > Would you be willing to relocate if we decided to become a couple?  Why
do
> > they have to be the one to move? The partner with the least invested
> > should be willing to move. ie - I was willing to move for Bob however ,
I
> > have a great deal invested in this area,  my employment, place of
> > education, continutity for child, own a home and have aging parents,
that
> > make moving out at lewast in the immediate future.
> >
> > 9.  Do you plan to get married? NO!!!
> >
>            Rephrase this - can you see marraige in the your future.  No
one
> should be looking to get married, they should be willing to consider the
> possibility with the right person - Marraige is not like a car or a
house.
> We would have much lower divorce rate if people where more realistic
about
> marriage instead being something you do as an adult like buying a car.
>
>                 Yes, I will marry solely for love.
>
> > 10.  Do you want to have a child or additional children?  No
>                Would you accept someone else's existing children?  Yes
>
> > 11.  Do you like animals? not really   UGH  Mike !!!  Unless you are
> > allergic to them ot loath them - this is not incredibly important. And
> > frankly I would want to know if they had a pet BOA......!!!
>                Do you have pets? if so what kind?   Yes, 3 cats
>
>
> > 12.  What's the thing you like most about yourself?  I like the fact I
am
> > 4'10", I adore my blonde hair and blue eyes, and I enjoy being a dolly
for
> > myself to dress up.
> >
>               Ummmmm  ... How about what do feel are the positive aspects
of
> you personality and thought processes. I really love and care for others,
I
> am unjudgemental, highly logical and walk on the sunny side of the street
(
> ie find positive regardless).
>
>
> > 13.  What's the thing you like least about yourself? The extra 35
pounds!!
> >
>               Hmmmm.... how about - what areas do you feel you could
improve
> or are working to improve yourself in. Self imagine/self esteem.Not
holding
> my self to standards of prefection, and then giving myself grief when I
> stumble. Treating myself with the same love and understanding that I have
> for others.
>
> > 14.  What's your "disability"/"challenge"?  I was a premie, and have
> > internal organ deformities, fragile lungs, and rebuilt feet. Minor
brain
> > damage due to stroke - affects speech in that I am not always able to
say
> > the word I mean or produce sentences of purely unrelated gobbled gook.
> > Severe skeletal/neurological/internal organ damage sustained during
abuse.
> > I have PTSD from years of physical/sexual/emotional abuse. Recurring,
> > uterine cancer. Pericardal spasms. Migraines.
> >
> > 15.  When did your last romantic relationship end? a year ago
> >
> > Are you still in touch with that person? unfortunately yes
> >
> > What feelings do you have for that person now? I love them very much
but
> > understand we are not compatible do to maturity issues.
> >
>            Mike - it is a very important clue how people answer this. Do
not
> write anything negative - this would be the first warning sign for me to
> avoid someone. Any relation and break-up requires two people - and they
were
> your choice in the first place and maybe bad judgement on your part - ie
not
> listening to them and discarding them early on - created the situation.
This
> attitude also means they haven't gotten past it. You make the choice as
how
> you fel about something, and once its over - its needs to be over -
before
> you start again. I also would avoid anyone could not forgive and get past
> stuff - We all screw up and sometimes badly - then non acceptance of
> someones mistakes means they will also be this judgemental with me - and
> others. It is also a sign they haven't moved past the incident yet. You
> don't need anyone hung up on the past. The here and now is what is
> important, and you can't be here and now and spouting venom for the past.
> and having no feelings for someone - means no feels not negative ones. I
> forget Amber father even exists.
>
>
> > 16.  What medications, if any, do you take? Narcotics for pain, Soma
for
> > muscles spasms, Anaprox for PMS, Tavist D for allergies, lots of
> > antiobiotics for frequent infections, chemo seriously weaked immune
> > system. Valium for dental visits. Something for my migranes - all
except -
> > Tavist D are on an as needed basis,
> >
> >
> > 17.  Ever been arrested?  Nope
> >
> > 18.  Ever been in a mental hospital?  no, but its sounds great - I have
> > always wanted to lose my mind and be a happy blithering idiot someone
else
> > had to care for.
> >
> > 19.  Do you smoke cigarettes?  Social smoker !!
> > drink alcohol? Social drinker only
> > use marijuana or take other recreational drugs?  nope - take enough
> > regular ones!!!
> >
> >
> > 20.  Do you believe sex before marriage is okay?  I think a more
general
> > question  as to someones attitude towards sex is more important. Almost
> > everyone has some sexual perferences or hang-ups. Sex and Marriage
> > actaully have nothing to do with each other. Sex is a hormonal driven
urge
> > to reproduce. Marraige is a commitment to a relationship with someone
> > else. Something one does 1% of the time should not be the reason one
gets
> > married or the reason one gets unmarried. One's ridgitiy thought and an
> > inability to compromise - items which go beyond sex, but frequently
come
> > out with sex first, are stumbling blocks. Also, women are more rigid
about
> > stuff being dirty, than guys. Both sides need to be able to compromise.
> > What I see to often with marraiges is the partner has become the
opponant
> > becasue of a different view rather than a partner with which ones finds
a
> > middle ground. I have a had several guys whose most important question
to
> > answer was - Do I do Blowjobs or anal - As far as I am concerned - that
is
> > illevant at the first contact/ dating stage. I certainly never ask
period.
> > They may never get a second date - so why was it important?  Also
remember
> > social moreys on sex change with age, and belief systems. It is much
more
> > important to know how the person feels about sex and their birth
control
> > issues than actually taking them for a test drive. There is a world of
> > difference between sex as a recreational sport, and that of sex as an
> > intimate loving act. It was discovered it takes years before people
> > cactually become truely intimate and it requires mores than sex.
> >
> > 21.  Are you dating anyone now?  yes three guys
> >
> > 22.  Describe your ideal mate (person). Describes
> > qualities/characteristics or personality traits you would like in mate.
>                Honesty, cleaniness, reliability, intelligence, lack of
being
> judgemental, good self-esteem, gentleness, ability to control temper,
love
> of reading and traveling ablility to interface with children and pets.
>
> > 23.  Describe your ideal date (place or activity). What ones does is
> > irrelvant - it who one does it with that matters. Ask about a list of
> > actitivites/places they like - mountains. beach, forest, traveling,
> > photography, handicrafts, SETI, Sci-fi.
> >
> > 24.  Do you feel most loved by getting a gift, hearing the words "I
love
> > you"
> > or another person spending time with you? Rephrase to what is greatest
> > gift someone can give you. To me it is when someone takes time mention
my
> > positive aspects or compliments me - It means they have actaully paid
> > attention and noticed me. The terms I love and someone spending time
with
> > can still be all about them and their needs - not yours. Today in the
age
> > of me ism most people primary concern is themselves another reason
> > relatationships don't work. Its not about getting what you want or even
> > what you think you want. I am fairly sure even the happiliest married
> > folks will tell you its a lot of hard work, patient and giving to the
> > other - not unlike taking care of child. Life is not as they say - All
> > about me" and the most unhappy people seem to be the ones who think it
is.
> >
> >