Excuse me! I thought we had teenagers on this list! Do you think your answer to # 20 is appropriate--i.e. would you want Amber reading a response such as this? L. ---------- > From: Trisha Cummings <[log in to unmask]> > To: [log in to unmask] > Subject: Re: [DateAbilities] GETTING TO KNOW YOU SURVEY FOR SINGLES > Date: Monday, May 08, 2000 1:10 PM > > Hi Mike, > > Cool, did you think of this? I altered some of the questions to bring > out the more inportant points. I am not looking for anyone to date at the > moment - I am dating 3 guys now - all of whom think I walk on water - which > of course I do - in the form of ice!! LOL But I answered anyway!! Several of > the questions required a bit of bathtub mulling time. > > > > 1. When is your birthday? 6/22/53 (46 for at least another month) > > > > 2. Have you ever been married, and if so how many times ( not an > > unreasonable now - with the third divorce rate up to 16%)? Yes, 3 times > > > > 3. Do have a child/ren, anything special about them? Yes, one living > > daughter with Cerebral Palsy, and one Angel. > > > > 4. Do you have a recent (within a year) photo of yourself you can attach > > to > > e-mail or on a web page I can see? I would drop this to then end and then > > rephrase - I never reply to anyone who has to have my pricture - they are > > just too shallow. It is far better to get to know someone's personality > > than see them. Our preception or feelings about people color our view of > > their looks. I would place no emphasis on looks - 30 seconds can turn Ms. > > America into Ms. Frankenstein. > > > > > > 5. Do you practice any religion? Paganism > > If so, where do you attend religious services? Mount Vernon Unitarian > > Church, and as a Pagan Preistess I hold circles at my house. > > > More inportantly than what the label of the religion is and is > how spiritually motivated the person is - you need to find out if they are > tolerant to others beliefs. I date across faiths, I am dating a Unitarian, a > Jew and a Quaker - at the moment. The only set of beliefs I place outside of > consideration for any prolonged exporsure to - is the cult - Born Again > Christians. I adore going to Mass, and Unitarian services. > > > 6. Are you employed? Fulltime or part-time Yes, both > > What's your employment? Fulltime I am a Data Analyst, and part-time I > > am a fine jewelry associate in a marjor department store. > > > Additional ask about education and degrees. > What is your education level? Post Graduate > What is any degrees do you hold? I have a BS in CIS > What id an future educational plans do you have - I am 2 courses > from my first Masters In CIS, will be getting a second one and going on to a > PHD. > > > 7. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Hopefully teaching at Northern > > Virginia Community College or one of the other umpteen higher educational > > Institutes we have here, and beginning my PhD, putting my kid thru > > college. Having a SO would a plus. > > > I would change this to 5 years - 10 years is a very long time. > My answer is based on 5 time period. > > > 8. What state do you live in? Virginia > > > > Would you be willing to relocate if we decided to become a couple? Why do > > they have to be the one to move? The partner with the least invested > > should be willing to move. ie - I was willing to move for Bob however , I > > have a great deal invested in this area, my employment, place of > > education, continutity for child, own a home and have aging parents, that > > make moving out at lewast in the immediate future. > > > > 9. Do you plan to get married? NO!!! > > > Rephrase this - can you see marraige in the your future. No one > should be looking to get married, they should be willing to consider the > possibility with the right person - Marraige is not like a car or a house. > We would have much lower divorce rate if people where more realistic about > marriage instead being something you do as an adult like buying a car. > > Yes, I will marry solely for love. > > > 10. Do you want to have a child or additional children? No > Would you accept someone else's existing children? Yes > > > 11. Do you like animals? not really UGH Mike !!! Unless you are > > allergic to them ot loath them - this is not incredibly important. And > > frankly I would want to know if they had a pet BOA......!!! > Do you have pets? if so what kind? Yes, 3 cats > > > > 12. What's the thing you like most about yourself? I like the fact I am > > 4'10", I adore my blonde hair and blue eyes, and I enjoy being a dolly for > > myself to dress up. > > > Ummmmm ... How about what do feel are the positive aspects of > you personality and thought processes. I really love and care for others, I > am unjudgemental, highly logical and walk on the sunny side of the street ( > ie find positive regardless). > > > > 13. What's the thing you like least about yourself? The extra 35 pounds!! > > > Hmmmm.... how about - what areas do you feel you could improve > or are working to improve yourself in. Self imagine/self esteem.Not holding > my self to standards of prefection, and then giving myself grief when I > stumble. Treating myself with the same love and understanding that I have > for others. > > > 14. What's your "disability"/"challenge"? I was a premie, and have > > internal organ deformities, fragile lungs, and rebuilt feet. Minor brain > > damage due to stroke - affects speech in that I am not always able to say > > the word I mean or produce sentences of purely unrelated gobbled gook. > > Severe skeletal/neurological/internal organ damage sustained during abuse. > > I have PTSD from years of physical/sexual/emotional abuse. Recurring, > > uterine cancer. Pericardal spasms. Migraines. > > > > 15. When did your last romantic relationship end? a year ago > > > > Are you still in touch with that person? unfortunately yes > > > > What feelings do you have for that person now? I love them very much but > > understand we are not compatible do to maturity issues. > > > Mike - it is a very important clue how people answer this. Do not > write anything negative - this would be the first warning sign for me to > avoid someone. Any relation and break-up requires two people - and they were > your choice in the first place and maybe bad judgement on your part - ie not > listening to them and discarding them early on - created the situation. This > attitude also means they haven't gotten past it. You make the choice as how > you fel about something, and once its over - its needs to be over - before > you start again. I also would avoid anyone could not forgive and get past > stuff - We all screw up and sometimes badly - then non acceptance of > someones mistakes means they will also be this judgemental with me - and > others. It is also a sign they haven't moved past the incident yet. You > don't need anyone hung up on the past. The here and now is what is > important, and you can't be here and now and spouting venom for the past. > and having no feelings for someone - means no feels not negative ones. I > forget Amber father even exists. > > > > 16. What medications, if any, do you take? Narcotics for pain, Soma for > > muscles spasms, Anaprox for PMS, Tavist D for allergies, lots of > > antiobiotics for frequent infections, chemo seriously weaked immune > > system. Valium for dental visits. Something for my migranes - all except - > > Tavist D are on an as needed basis, > > > > > > 17. Ever been arrested? Nope > > > > 18. Ever been in a mental hospital? no, but its sounds great - I have > > always wanted to lose my mind and be a happy blithering idiot someone else > > had to care for. > > > > 19. Do you smoke cigarettes? Social smoker !! > > drink alcohol? Social drinker only > > use marijuana or take other recreational drugs? nope - take enough > > regular ones!!! > > > > > > 20. Do you believe sex before marriage is okay? I think a more general > > question as to someones attitude towards sex is more important. Almost > > everyone has some sexual perferences or hang-ups. Sex and Marriage > > actaully have nothing to do with each other. Sex is a hormonal driven urge > > to reproduce. Marraige is a commitment to a relationship with someone > > else. Something one does 1% of the time should not be the reason one gets > > married or the reason one gets unmarried. One's ridgitiy thought and an > > inability to compromise - items which go beyond sex, but frequently come > > out with sex first, are stumbling blocks. Also, women are more rigid about > > stuff being dirty, than guys. Both sides need to be able to compromise. > > What I see to often with marraiges is the partner has become the opponant > > becasue of a different view rather than a partner with which ones finds a > > middle ground. I have a had several guys whose most important question to > > answer was - Do I do Blowjobs or anal - As far as I am concerned - that is > > illevant at the first contact/ dating stage. I certainly never ask period. > > They may never get a second date - so why was it important? Also remember > > social moreys on sex change with age, and belief systems. It is much more > > important to know how the person feels about sex and their birth control > > issues than actually taking them for a test drive. There is a world of > > difference between sex as a recreational sport, and that of sex as an > > intimate loving act. It was discovered it takes years before people > > cactually become truely intimate and it requires mores than sex. > > > > 21. Are you dating anyone now? yes three guys > > > > 22. Describe your ideal mate (person). Describes > > qualities/characteristics or personality traits you would like in mate. > Honesty, cleaniness, reliability, intelligence, lack of being > judgemental, good self-esteem, gentleness, ability to control temper, love > of reading and traveling ablility to interface with children and pets. > > > 23. Describe your ideal date (place or activity). What ones does is > > irrelvant - it who one does it with that matters. Ask about a list of > > actitivites/places they like - mountains. beach, forest, traveling, > > photography, handicrafts, SETI, Sci-fi. > > > > 24. Do you feel most loved by getting a gift, hearing the words "I love > > you" > > or another person spending time with you? Rephrase to what is greatest > > gift someone can give you. To me it is when someone takes time mention my > > positive aspects or compliments me - It means they have actaully paid > > attention and noticed me. The terms I love and someone spending time with > > can still be all about them and their needs - not yours. Today in the age > > of me ism most people primary concern is themselves another reason > > relatationships don't work. Its not about getting what you want or even > > what you think you want. I am fairly sure even the happiliest married > > folks will tell you its a lot of hard work, patient and giving to the > > other - not unlike taking care of child. Life is not as they say - All > > about me" and the most unhappy people seem to be the ones who think it is. > > > >