Denise,
    I have read your post from the 5th several times through now. Firstly,
thank you for your powerful and honest sharing. Your sharing has shed much
light on my own situation and feelings.
    You  wrote:  - "I didn't live with the sheer hell of being completely
disabled, yet the heavenly life of being "able-bodied or normal" was always
just beyond my
grasp."
    I so relate to this. I do not have CP, my son, Joshua does. His CP is a
result from a car accident I was in when I was 4 mos. pregnant. I have had 29
reconstructive surgeries on my face and lots of work on my left leg. I "get
by" now in that my appearance doesn't make people revolt and run in horror,
but...
    You wrote:  "My hope is that by giving you a glimpse into why I distanced
myself from the raw reality that I was disabled, you can see that it is not
only plausible, but logical to believe someone can look in the mirror yet
never see their true reflection."
    In my case, looking at my reflection, I always saw it as grotesque. I
couldn't "find" me in that reflection. Maybe because the face and the eyes
are such a focus for people to interact with, it made it worse... So I live
in a strange place of feeling "ugly", "disfigured", "abnormal" and all of the
other typical words used... and yet at the same time, having Joshua has made
me be hypervigilant and focussed on him. In Joshua's case, I look at him and
do not see the "disabilities" unless I am really looking hard. I am able to
see the person; the spirit, the courage, the personality, the hard worker.
    So, Denise, I see it both ways. The pain of reality - both in my own
injuries and resulting disabilities, led me to look very harshly at myself
and be in a denial of sorts that I have any worth whatsoever. But, where
Joshua is concerned, I am able to see beyond the "disabilities". Maybe some
of that can be called denial, but I choose to see it as optimism. I am, after
all, his mother and trying to model appropriate behaviors and actions for him
to hopefully follow.
    Denise, your words hit me close to the heart. That "teetering" place you
refer to is very familiar to me. Yes, people can be very cruel. People can be
very insensitive. But people can also be very kind. People can be accepting.
Who has the right to judge anyone else in reality? None of us! So as I
struggle to find a balance in my own thinking, I strive to be a part of the
solution and not the problem. Some days I do well at it and others, I want to
cry and put a bag over my head...
    I believe that all of us on some level can relate to your words,  "I was
one of "THEM."  A monstrous mutation, imperfect, disabled."  Some people's
disabilities are in their attitudes and they are in denial of that!  ;-)
Let's hope that with communication and motivation, we can be a part of the
solution to this problem of human nature.
    I can't thank you enough, Denise, for your courage and eloquent
expression. In my book, you could not be more perfect than how you are.  <3
Elaine