Denise, I have read your post from the 5th several times through now. Firstly, thank you for your powerful and honest sharing. Your sharing has shed much light on my own situation and feelings. You wrote: - "I didn't live with the sheer hell of being completely disabled, yet the heavenly life of being "able-bodied or normal" was always just beyond my grasp." I so relate to this. I do not have CP, my son, Joshua does. His CP is a result from a car accident I was in when I was 4 mos. pregnant. I have had 29 reconstructive surgeries on my face and lots of work on my left leg. I "get by" now in that my appearance doesn't make people revolt and run in horror, but... You wrote: "My hope is that by giving you a glimpse into why I distanced myself from the raw reality that I was disabled, you can see that it is not only plausible, but logical to believe someone can look in the mirror yet never see their true reflection." In my case, looking at my reflection, I always saw it as grotesque. I couldn't "find" me in that reflection. Maybe because the face and the eyes are such a focus for people to interact with, it made it worse... So I live in a strange place of feeling "ugly", "disfigured", "abnormal" and all of the other typical words used... and yet at the same time, having Joshua has made me be hypervigilant and focussed on him. In Joshua's case, I look at him and do not see the "disabilities" unless I am really looking hard. I am able to see the person; the spirit, the courage, the personality, the hard worker. So, Denise, I see it both ways. The pain of reality - both in my own injuries and resulting disabilities, led me to look very harshly at myself and be in a denial of sorts that I have any worth whatsoever. But, where Joshua is concerned, I am able to see beyond the "disabilities". Maybe some of that can be called denial, but I choose to see it as optimism. I am, after all, his mother and trying to model appropriate behaviors and actions for him to hopefully follow. Denise, your words hit me close to the heart. That "teetering" place you refer to is very familiar to me. Yes, people can be very cruel. People can be very insensitive. But people can also be very kind. People can be accepting. Who has the right to judge anyone else in reality? None of us! So as I struggle to find a balance in my own thinking, I strive to be a part of the solution and not the problem. Some days I do well at it and others, I want to cry and put a bag over my head... I believe that all of us on some level can relate to your words, "I was one of "THEM." A monstrous mutation, imperfect, disabled." Some people's disabilities are in their attitudes and they are in denial of that! ;-) Let's hope that with communication and motivation, we can be a part of the solution to this problem of human nature. I can't thank you enough, Denise, for your courage and eloquent expression. In my book, you could not be more perfect than how you are. <3 Elaine