I agree, Ken; being assertive and sticking up for yourself doesn't mean you
are mean; it means that you are not allowing yourself to be bullied.
Kat
Original Message:
-----------------
From: ken barber [log in to unmask]
Date: Wed, 23 Apr 2008 10:09:07 -0700
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: what were your childhoods like?
self defense does not have anything to do with being mean.
--- On Wed, 4/23/08, Linda Walker <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> From: Linda Walker <[log in to unmask]>
> Subject: Re: what were your childhoods like?
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Date: Wednesday, April 23, 2008, 11:53 AM
> My grandson Case was pantsed recently by some bullies. I was
> furious
> but his dad says he must stand up to them so they will
> stop. This
> sweet little guy does not have a mean bone in his body but
> I guess
> this is necessary to learn in order to protect yourself.
>
> At 08:24 AM 4/23/2008, you wrote:
> >Mary,
> >
> >I can only echo what some others have said. It sounds
> to me like
> >you would benefit from counseling to work through your
> history of
> >abuse, issues with struggling with independence, and
> working through
> >how to explain your childhood/disabilities/parents to
> others.
> >
> >As for how I grew up...My CP is fairly mild so I always
> tell people
> >"God screwed up just enough so I can do whatever I
> want and get a lot
> >of special privileges." (Don't mean to be
> disrespectful by my
> >comment...usually gets a laugh from most folks). And
> really, it is
> >true. I walk (albeit funny), talk fine (too much and
> too fine if you
> >ask my husband!), and have above average intelligence
> that "made up
> >for" my lack of physical agility or gracefulness.
> So, I can't
> >complain. I like who I am and would rather be smarter
> than most and
> >less-able-bodied rather than "average" in
> every way. But growing up,
> >my mom was very over protective of me and probably
> would have kept me
> >in a bubble if she could have. Dad was more one to
> push me to do
> >what I needed to do and to get out in the world. But
> they both
> >raised me to think and to be independent, with good
> morals and
> >compassion. I hear you when you say your parents made
> you believe it
> >is a scary world out there. My mom STILL does
> that...but luckily I
> >have experiences that allow me to make my own
> judgements and not to
> >live in fear of what "might" be. They taught
> me to capitalize on my
> >strengths and not dwell on weaknesses. Instead, be a
> creative
> >problem solver to "overcome" the weaknesses.
> They did a darn good
> >job with me, I think!
> >
> >As for independence vs. over doing it...I think you
> need to realize
> >that independence doesn't mean needing to do
> everything
> >INDEPENDENTLY. Like Kat said it is about being nable
> to make
> >decisions about what you want and need to be happy and
> live your life
> >the way YOU want to. You may need assistants, a
> wheelchair, a
> >service dog or paratransit to do it, but that still is
> independence.
> >I've learned, as many others on the list have as
> well, that overdoing
> >it to prove we are "normal" really just hurts
> us more in the end.
> >
> >Anyway, my two cents...for what it is worth.
> >
> >Linda
> >
> >(age 35, mild spastic cp)
> >On Apr 22, 2008, at 11:13 PM, Mary Powers wrote:
> >
> > > Hello,
> > >
> > > I'm 39.?
> > >
> > > are my posts showing up with question marks?? b/c
> I am typing them
> > > normally and then seeing question marks after the
> end of some
> > > sentences.
> > >
> > > anyway, I think my vision problems were a key
> part of what was
> > > wrong.? basically I lived in fear b/c I could not
> visually process
> > > and mentally integrate information.? one problem
> I had was called
> > > 'visual neglect.'? anything past midline
> (when my head was
> > > straight) didn't register so objects to my
> RHS - they were there
> > > and I in some way "saw" them, but not
> well.? they did not register
> > > mentally as important.? so I fell and etc. a lot.
> > >
> > > it left me with the feeling that I could get
> harmed easily b/c I
> > > could not see.? my parents took me to Doctors who
> didn't listen.?
> > > in my case, it wasn't having the impairment
> per se, but rather,
> > > having *no accommodations* for it.
> > >
> > > I also had both physical and sexual abuse outside
> the family, where
> > > I was told directly that I seemed
> "weak" and easy to abuse so that
> > > caused a lot of trouble.
> > >
> > > but - now I am an adult and I have far better
> help and more
> > > resources.? I have some very supportive people in
> my life.
> > >
> > > my biggest problem is exhausting myself trying to
> be independent.?
> > > my second biggest problem is not understanding
> what independence
> > > is.? after that it's anxiety.
> > >
> > > what is independence?? and how can I know my
> limits and still be
> > > independent?? when is it "giving up"
> and when it is right to stick
> > > things out?
> > >
> > > that confuses me.
> > >
> > > take care,
> > >
> > > Mary Katherine
> > >
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