oh, these are good. you know i'll be forwarding them. 

--- Kathy Salkin <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

> Along the lines of Ken's last one ...
> 
> 
> Joke # 1:
> 
> Sarah's grandson is playing in the water, while she
> is standing on  
> the beach not wanting to get her feet wet, when all
> of a sudden a  
> huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly
> over the spot  
> where the boy is in the ocean. The water recedes and
> the boy is no  
> longer there. He simply vanished.
> 
> Sarah holds her hands to the sky and cries, "God,
> how could you? Have  
> I not been a wonderful mother and grandmother? Have
> I not given to  
> Bnai Brith and Haddasah? Have I not tried my very
> best to live a life  
> that you would be proud of?"
> 
> Just then, another huge wave appears out of nowhere
> and crashes on  
> the beach. As the water recedes, the boy is standing
> there, smiling,  
> splashing around as if nothing had happened.
> 
> A loud voice booms from the sky, "I have returned
> your grandson. Are  
> you satisfied?"
> 
> Sarah responded, "Well ... He WAS wearing a hat."
> 
> 
> Joke # 2:
> 
> 
> 
> A little girl was in church with her mother when she
> started feeling  
> ill. "Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?" "No."
> her mother replied.
> 
> "Well, I think I have to throw up!" exclaimed the
> girl.
> 
> "Then go out the front door and around to the back
> of the church and  
> throw up behind a bush." said her mother.
> 
> After about sixty seconds, the little girl returned
> to her seat. "Did  
> you throw up?" her mother asked.
> 
> "Yes," the little girl replied.
> 
> "How could you have gone all the way to the back of
> the church and  
> returned so quickly?" her mother asked.
> 
> "I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They
> have a box next  
> to the front door that says, 'For the Sick'."
> 
> 
> Joke # 3:
> 
>   About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that
> all the Jews had  
> to leave Rome. Naturally there was a big uproar from
> the Jewish  
> community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a
> religious debate  
> with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew
> won, the Jews could  
> stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.
> 
> Having no choice, the Jews picked a middle aged man
> named Moishe to  
> represent them. Moishe asked for one addition to the
> debate. To make  
> it more interesting, neither side would be allowed
> to talk. The pope  
> agreed.
> 
> The day of the great debate came.  Moishe and the
> Pope sat opposite  
> each other for a full minute before the Pope raised
> his hand and  
> showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and
> raised one  
> finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle
> around his head.  
> Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope
> pulled out a  
> wafer and a glass of wine.  Moishe pulled out an
> apple. The Pope  
> stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good.
> The Jews can stay."
> 
> An hour later, the cardinals were all around the
> Pope asking him what  
> happened. The Pope said: "First I held up three
> fingers to represent  
> the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger
> to remind me that  
> there was still one God common to both our
> religions. Then I waved my  
> finger around me to show him that God was all around
> us. He responded  
> by pointing to the ground and showing that god was
> also right here  
> with us. I pulled out the wine and the    wafer to
> show that god  
> absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to
> remind me of  
> original sin. He had an answer for everything. What
> could I do?"
> 
> Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around
> Moishe. "What  
> happened?" they asked.
> 
> "Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that the
> Jews had three  
> days to get out of here. I told him that not one of
> us was leaving.  
> Then he told me that this whole city would be
> cleared of Jews. I let  
> him know that we were staying right here."
> 
>      "And then?" asked a woman.
> 
>      "I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his
> lunch and I took  
> out mine."
> 
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