sent: Saturday, July 15, 2006 9:07 PM
Subject: My Testimony
I am often asked by those who read my Christian novel, Coil of the Snake, Do
those things really happen today? I mean, do such things occur in real life
or did you make it all up? Here is a personal testimony a lady wants me to
put on my website. she is currently a reader of my Christian online novel.
You decide.
Phil.
>
> Rescued
> My Testimony
>
>
> The form of "Christianity" I was taught when younger really was not truly
> what the Bible teaches. I was raised as a Catholic although I hardly
ever
> went to church. We were taught that the way a person is saved was by
taking
> communion. Jesus to me was some distant figure in the stained glass
window who
> held a lamb over his shoulder. I never really knew who he was and what
it was
> all about. All I knew is that he was represented as a person nailed to a
> crucifix.
>
>
> I never knew God. All I knew were some meaningless church rituals. My
> mother never knew God either. She was later drawn to occultism in a
search for
> something in the spirit world that was personal. God seemed like a
million
> miles away to her. She began by getting into using an Ouija board to
contact
> the spirit world. The board swore constantly. It's predictions came
true
> quite often however. But my mother was afraid because it predicted bad
things.
> It said that I would grow up to be a hellion. My mother and my aunt used
to
> sit there blindfolded using the board and had a third person jot down
> everything that was spelled out. It went so fast the person barely had
time to
> jot it all down. One day my mother and aunt decided to ask it what it
was and
> it told them it was a female whore. They finally decided to break the
board
> up and get rid of it. They knew this thing must have been evil.
>
>
> Then some years later my mother got involved in drawing up horoscopes to
> predict people's future and reading Tarot cards for them. She also read
several
> books by mediums such as Edgar Cayce and Seth. My mother and uncle went
to
> psychic fairs where they had their palms read. They dabbled in just about
> every magic art that was popular at the time.
>
>
> My mother read Tarot cards for a friend of hers one time and the
prediction
> was that this person's next-door neighbor would die within a week. My
mother
> laughed and thought that it was ludicrous and wouldn't happen. Well,
that
> person's neighbor was mugged and thrown over a bridge in town and died by
the
> end of the week. My mother then thought it was just some kind of
> coincidence.
>
>
> Then she read cards again for another friend. This time she predicted
death
> and the number two. She laughed again thinking it was silly. She
returned
> to that friend's house two months later however and was approached by her
> friend's daughter screaming at her that she was a witch. The girl said
to my
> mother crying, "Go away you witch!!! My best friend died on her 22nd
> birthday which was Feb. 2nd!!! I hate you, leave you witch!!" My mother
then
> finally realized that it wasn't a game and quit reading cards.
>
>
> When I was younger, about 12, during the time she was still involved with
> such things one day I went over to look at the cards on the counter. I
touched
> them and looked at each one. One had a Satan symbol on it, another a
> pentagram, another was a wealth card, another was a death card. I put
them down
> and went and sat on our couch.
>
>
> Suddenly something came and paralyzed me. I just could not move a
muscle.
> I tried to move my arm or leg and it wouldn't budge. I tried to open my
> eyes, I tried to scream. No matter how hard I tried I just could not
move. And
> each time I tried to move I had a really horrible pain in the back of my
> head. I couldn't even move my finger! It was horrible. It was like my
body
> was asleep but I was wide awake in it and trapped! There was nothing I
could
> do but be stuck there. Then suddenly I could see the whole room although
my
> eyes we shut. Then instantly the whole room turned silver and all of a
> sudden all I heard was hideous laughter coming from every corner of the
room. I
> didn't see any figures. I just heard the laughter. It was hideous,
horrible
> laughter and I was in the middle of all of it. And one laugh was louder
than
> the rest. Then suddenly it stopped and I was able to move again.
>
>
> I didn't know why this event had happened to me. I was unable to really
> process the whole thing. There was no one to talk to about it and if I
told
> anyone they would just think I was crazy. So what I did was try and put
the
> whole thing out of my mind. I watched tv and tried not to think about
it.
>
>
> This caused me to be an insomniac as a child. I would fear that this
would
> happen to me again. And other things did happen to me. Although the
events
> were few and far between they were so awful that I dreaded the next time
it
> would happen. Things calmed down after my mother got scared out of Tarot
card
> reading.
>
>
> Then soon someone came along in my life who introduced me to something I
> hadn't really known before. I was only 15 but for the first time in my
life
> had a male person love me. My father had left my mother when I was just
four
> years old. So I had never known a father. It was a big gap in my life.
This
> boy's name was Peter. He was the same age. We met in highschool English
> class while studying Romeo and Juliet. And boy I tell ya, for 15 year
olds we
> were pretty "intense". I loved him more than anything I had ever known.
>
>
> Then after being together for only 9 months he suddenly broke up with me
one
> day. I was devastated. I was hoping he was just confused and we would
get
> back together. But he totally ignored me. If I even said hi to him in
the
> hallway, although I knew he heard me, he wouldn't even look my way. I
was
> crushed. It as if some truck came and ran me over. I did not know how I
could
> go on.
>
>
> The whole summer break from school went by and I didn't bother him. But
I
> still held out hope. Then when school started in September I was hoping
he
> would have a change of heart. I picked up the phone and called him in
the
> evening. It took all my courage to do it. And he answered. I talked but
he
> acted like he didn't want to talk to me. He gave short answers like,
"yeah" and
> acted bored. I suddenly cried, "You don't really want to talk to me!"
> And slammed the phone down. Then I ran out the door determined to run in
front
> of a huge mac truck on the highway near where we lived. We lived off of
a
> major highway that had huge trucks going by at the maximum speed limit.
>
>
> It was a really rainy stormy night all of a sudden. It was pouring rain.
> It was so bad that on the road the traffic was barely moving. I would
step
> out in front of a car and they would stop immediately because they would
see me
> in their headlights. I finally gave up and walked over to my old nearby
> elementary school and sat on the swings.
>
>
> As I sat there I thought about how unfair my life had been. How I had
been
> jipped out of having a father. How I had a minor disability (dyslexia),
how
> I was poor, how I was being raised by a mother who was cruel to me. And
how
> I had been molested by some stranger at the age of four. I was most of
all
> angry at God because I had lost this boyfriend I had dearly loved. I
told
> God that he must have known what my life would turn out like and asked
him why
> he didn't want me to be loved. I accused Him of not loving me. I truly
> felt at that moment that no one loved me. I was brokenhearted, devastated
and
> empty. There was nothing to live for.
>
>
> I then went back to the road hoping some stranger would just attack me
and
> my life could be done away with. I didn't care what happened to me.
Then my
> mother's car drove up beside me with my neighbor in it. They told me to
get
> in the car but I just ignored them. Then finally when they saw that I
was
> not responding and just kept on walking my neighbor got out of the car
and
> physically forced me into the car. I fought her but I was no match for
her as
> she was huge.
>
>
> I sat there between my mother and neighbor looking blankly ahead. I
didn't
> talk to anyone. My mother put her arm around me and told me she loved
me. I
> just threw her arm off and said nothing. Then when we were home I was
> questioned by the both of them. But all I did was sit there looking
hollow and not
> responding at all. My neighbor was so frustrated that she finally gave
up
> and left. I finally went to bed around 11pm.
>
>
> As I laid in bed everything was quiet, then I suddenly overheard my
mother
> weeping to herself. She must have been crying over me I figured. I
quietly
> laughed to myself glad that I had hurt her because she had been so
miserable
> to me all my life. Then when she was finally done I started to talk to
God in
> my head again.
>
>
> This time I told God how much I hated myself. I told him I hated being
me.
> That I wanted to be anyone else but me, that I hated my own company. I
> loathed myself so much that I told God that I wanted to go to hell. I
told God
> to send me to hell. Then I told him that I was angry with him for what
he
> allowed to happen to me in my life. I told him I had a lousy life and
it was
> all his fault. And that if he loved me he would have made sure I didn't
wind
> up in a life like this. I told him I hated him and called him every
swear
> word I could think of. Then I told him that I would just live the rest
of my
> life to hurt him back and I would do that by hurting everyone around me.
>
> Then after I did all of that amazingly I felt really relaxed. Like some
big
> weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It was as if something got up
and
> left! It was like the struggle to be good in life had finally ended. I
> usually felt very "tense" all the time, but I felt really relaxed and
went right
> to sleep.
>
>
> But then a few hours later I woke right up feeling fear and a sense of
some
> very powerful presence outside of my window. I could not see it but
could
> sense it somehow. It was tremendously powerful. And I could hear a
distant
> swirling noise. I was terrified. This sound came closer and closer and I
found
> that I was unable to move. It happened just as it had in the past. My
body
> was paralyzed. I couldn't move and every attempt met with a terrible
pain.
> I was just stuck there as this thing came closer and closer.
>
>
> Then this thing was in my room. Finally it was hovering over me. I
still
> could not see anything. Then it came into me and as it did my thoughts
were
> shut up like water would be behind a dam. It was as if I had amnesia. I
> suddenly had no recollection of who I was, where I was, my past, nothing.
All I
> had was a feeling of "existence" and able to process what was happening
at
> that moment. Suddenly I was transported to this place of outer darkness.
> Imagine stepping off of a space ship into the void of utter darkness and
> aloneness. I was alone in that place. There was no life, no earth, no
people, no
> sunshine, no God, no nothing. It was the most horrible thing you can
imagine.
> And actually you couldn't even imagine this. It is beyond that. It was
so
> horrible that if it was hell adding fire wouldn't have made it any worse.
> It was a feeling of being lost. Nothing can be more horrible than that.
Then
> suddenly I was back into my body. And I heard this voice speak to me. I
> still to this day don't know what spoke to me. But this is what it said,
and I
> still haven't made sense of it either. It said this, "YOU DON'T NEED
ME".
> It was this creepy, make your hair stand on end whispery voice. And I
heard
> it not just with my ears but with every cell of my body. Then it left
and
> I was able to move again and my thoughts came rushing back into my mind
like
> the dam had been broken.
>
>
> The first thing I thought to say was, "God, God, God, God..." over and
over.
> I was so shaken that I could not even form a sentence in my mind right
> away. I was just hoping that God could still hear me. Then I begged him
to
> forgive me for what I had said to him earlier. I told him I was sorry
and that I
> would not live the rest of my life to hurt others or take revenge on him.
I
> asked him to protect me from this place and told him that I would serve
him
> the rest of my life. I told God I would give him my whole life and do
> whatever he wanted me to do with my life. I told God that I would start
seeking
> for Him first thing in the morning. And I would continue to seek Him all
my
> days.
>
>
> Well, the next day the first place I went was to the public library. I
> really didn't know where else to start. So I went to the library and
checked
> out a bunch of religious books. I took about a dozen or so books home
and read
> them one after another. I would get to the middle of each book and
realize
> that whatever I was searching for just wasn't there and threw it in the
pile
> of half read books.
>
>
> Then I came across this book called, HOW TO BECOME BORN AGAIN by Billy
> Graham. I had picked that book out of the library since I thought to
myself, "I
> really do need to be born over again since I really screwed up this life
so
> far." As I read that book I realized I had found some kind of key that I
was
> looking for to the whole thing. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I
had
> found it!!
>
>
> The book said that the Bible says, "All have sinned and fall short of the
> glory of God. That no one is righteous, no not one." And that we all
deserve
> death and hell for the sins we have committed. I was already going to
hell
> long before I had ever blasphemed God as I did. Then the book said that
Jesus
> did not come for the righteous but sinners and gave a verse that said,
"The
> healthy do not need a physician".
>
>
> I was told that I could not earn my way to heaven by good works and that
the
> Bible says our righteousness is as filthy rags. I was taught in the
> Catholic church that you had to earn your way to heaven by being good
enough.
>
>
> It then said that Jesus was the only one who led a holy and sinless on
life
> on earth. And that he laid his life down in our place to receive the
> punishment for our sins that we rightly deserved. A righteous God cannot
have sin
> in his presence and Jesus atoned for our sins and his blood paid the due
> penalty for our sins. And that if we gave our lives to Jesus and
accepted him as
> Lord of our life that our sins would be buried in his death. And that we
> would have a new life. The old life would die and we would be given a
new one.
> The Bible says we become a "New Creature". And that we would be "Born
> Again". That this is what being "born again" meant. In this new life
however I
> would die to myself and live only for Christ and he would lead me all my
> days. That his spirit would live inside me and guide me and teach me.
So, I gave
> my life to Jesus on September 3rd, 1980. And that is how I became a
> Christian.
>
>
> I was so confused back then about all the strange things that had
happened
> to me and read this verse, "God is not the author of confusion". I told
God
> to please make sense of everything so I can someday understand. And from
that
> day forward I began to understand more and more. I understood that God
> really did love me after all even though I accused him of not loving me.
The
> Bible says that we love him because He first loved us. He loved us so
much
> that he gave his only begotton Son. No greater love has any man than
this the
> Bible says, that he lay down his life for his friends. Jesus never lived
any
> of his life on this earth for himself but gave up everything for our
sakes
> and even died a most humiliating death. But he conquered death when he
rose
> again from the dead. The Bible says he now holds the KEYS TO DEATH AND
HELL
> because he conquered the grave. That he spoiled the principalities and
powers
> and overcame the enemy (Satan). He promises all those who follow him
that
> they will all be raised from the dead as He when death is swallowed up in
> victory and we will sing, "Death where is your sting?"
>
>
> Revelation 1:18 I am the Living One; I was dead, and behold I am alive
for
> ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.
>
>
> Send questions or comments to me at this e-mail address~
> [log in to unmask] (mailto:[log in to unmask])
>
>
> Please note~ My testimony mentions a book by Billy Graham. I have not
> gone on to be a follower of Graham. I have not read any of his other
books nor
> have I ever been involved with his ministry in any way. Instead, I
became
> a follower of Jesus Christ. It was the Bible Scriptures that led me to
the
> truth not the mere writings of man. His book only served as an
> introduction to the Bible.
>
>
>
>
>
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