Betty,

I wanted to respond to this when I read it yesterday, but I was at the
office at the time, and I wanted to give you a good reply, and not just an
off-the-cuff one.

 My first and strongest reaction:  Like a friend like that, who needs
enemies?  She sounds like poison to everyone, not just you.  So yeah, I
think it's the best thing for you to do, drop her.

Secondly,  I used to have a friend like that, who would gossip about
everybody and tell me the most intimate details, but she was disabled
herself, with Post-Polio Syndrome.  I wanted to drop her, but my boyfriend
at the time was a friend of her boyfriend, so....  When it got too much for
me to listen to, I'd say "Hey, let's drop it, OK?  I don't need to hear
this." But I'd get the creepy feeling she'd talk about me to other people.
Eucchhh.

And I used to work with a whole department of such people who gossiped all
day long, none of it good. It stressed me out so much, I lost 30 pounds that
year. I quit as soon as I could, thereby preserving what little sanity I had
left.   This was back in the mid-1980s but I still bear emotional scars from
that experience.

This is not exclusively about she being the angel and you being the poor
little disabled friend, it's about her being a poor excuse for a friend,
period.  It sounds like she does the same to all her friends as well as her
parents.

I've got a lot of able-bodied friends and none of them are condescending the
way your friend is (but then whenever someone tries to be so to me, I drop
them); the only time they have offered to help me with housekeeping, etc.,
was when I was convalescing from my surgery and I welcomed it, as I was
quite weak.  They know I'm perfectly capable of doing my own laundry, my own
dishes, my own dusting, etc., and I pay someone to come in and do the heavy
cleaning every two weeks.   I refuse to let anyone patronise me, but I try
to be preemptive about it.  I don't get mad (that's counterproductive for
me) but simply let them know how I feel.  It works for me most of the time,
but if it doesn't, tough shit.  No loss to me, as I don't need to associate
with such people.  If I come across a person like that at work, (and I do
work with a person like that), I just shrug it off.  I need to work with
them, not like them; they'll never change, but neither will I!

Sorry this is so rambling, but you presented an interesting story, and I
just wanted to let you know I understand.  Hang in there...and hold on to
your principles!

     Kat


----- Original Message -----
From: "Betty B" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, January 25, 2002 2:53 PM
Subject: Unfinished Symphony (Do Gooder story)


> Crap.  I meant to save the other post for later, but absent-mindedly hit
> "send now" instead.  What a brain.  The word "unremarkable" was used to
> describe my MRI.  I thought that just meant that I didn't have MS.
>
> Here's the story.  I'm not in the mood to try to write well this day, so
bear
> with me please.  I very much would like to vent about this if you don't
mind.
>
<cut for brevity>