In a message dated 04/17/2000 8:12:41 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:

<< . . . to find a way for Dana to access the computer, her
 > supervisor became defensive and said that this woman has spent
 > more time on my child than on other kids, and that she has been
 > on the verge of tears because she feels so unappreciated by
 > us....PLEEEEAAAAAASSSSEEEEEE!!!
  >>

There is merit, in my opinion, for expressing appreciation to all those who
are part of our lives in some edifying way.  It sounds as though this woman
has unreasonable expectations for appreciation though.  If professional
commitment requires her to attend to Dana's special needs, then she must rise
to that occasion.

If she is overworked and without adequate personnel resource, The fault lies
within her organization, whether it be due to incompetent leadership or
financial unfeasibility.

It is well for you to "appreciate" those who honor their professional
obligation to meet Dana's special needs, but the appreciation she should
expect comes in the form of supervisory commendations and pay raises -- if
she is so deserving.  If she does not have the competent ear of the formal
leadership of her organization, that is not your problem.  Furthermore, if
she is finding herself nearly driven to tears I would suggest that she
address her ability, or lack thereof, to professionally detach and carry on
with her assignments.

The only experience I had with an incredibly tough job was being a
firefighter.  We got no "appreciation" on the fireground.  Appropriately, we
only got the barking of orders from the Incident Commander on down the chain
of command.  After the fire, we might have gotten a letter of commendation,
if we did something extraordinarily worthy.  Getting very hot in a burning
building where our lives weren't really in danger didn't qualify.  If we
suffered from critical incident stress after the fire, we didn't have any
real counseling.  Now firefighters do.  Critical incident stress is finally
recognized as a problem to be officially addressed.  In fire departments
where competent leadership prevails, professional counseling is provided.

But we didn't go to the homes where the fires occurred, and expect the
homeowners to kiss our feet.  It's different, but I don't think it's that
different.

Betty