Good old military. An apex of insularity and assault.
Great that you fought. Better that you survived. Now I see the odds.
You deserve awards for your efforts.
Re: your feelings. They're yours to share or not. Pick and choose, as do
all of us.
Steve
>From: Betty Alfred <[log in to unmask]>
>Subject: Re: hostility toward PWDs (betty an Deri)
>Date: Sat, 11 Dec 1999 06:58:37 EST
>
>In a message dated 12/11/1999 1:48:24 AM Eastern Standard Time,
>[log in to unmask] writes:
>
><< I'll second your notion on Deri.
> I just read your prior post on your second Fire Depart "experience" and
> Deri's reply. I wonder why you absorbed the trauma and brutality and
> didn't fight back. You were being tested and taunted by bullies. You
> were being discriminated against. threatened, and harassed because of
> your sex. Why didn't you sue or file a discrimination complaint? Why
> didn't you "confront" the ringleaders, stand your ground.
> I'm not trying to be critical or give a lecture. I honestly don't know
> what I would have done were I in your position. What I'm trying to
> understand is what happened to your personal power and your class
> consciousness. Were you really so helpless and fearful?
>
>I never said I didn't fight back. Every day was a fight. I went through
>my
>chain of command, I filed a 22 page affidavit with the EEO, and I used
>every
>bit of power at my disposal to combat that situation. When the culture of
>an
>organization is such that discrimination is ignored, the person who is
>being
>victimized is not going to find help. Blinders are standard issue in that
>organization. I finally requested a congressional investigation. The
>Commanding Officer (Dept. of the Navy) lied in his response, and that was
>the
>end of the investigation. By that time, I was unable to fight any longer.
>Believe me, I did all that I could do and I didn't have a blasted shred of
>help in this -- not from anyone. Trust me, I can look at myself in the
>mirror.
>
> I also don't see what occurs now to bring up the feelings you dread.
> New circumstances, same feelings? Then you may need to deal with the
> feelings if they're not based on circumstances. Some of this has to do
> with you, not the circumstances, how you feel and respond to aspects of
> circumstances.
>
>Let's just say that I regret posting what I posted Steve. I don't talk
>about
>this otherwise, and I'm sorry I made an exception in this case.
>
> Powerlessness, vulnerability, and disability intertwine. I've no easy
> answer here. I've dealt differently at different times. I try to let
> fear inform, not rule, me. Sometimes I maintain the balance, sometimes
> not. Not easy, no rose garden (besides, they have thorns).
> Perhaps like you I'm in the process of finding and building the new me
> out of the ashes of the old. That's why I've become more the hermit,
> because my old outerwear doesn't fit, and I'm still learning how to make
> what's left work. I even get some of your symptoms when my naked spinal
> cord decides to fry my hands and feet. Sometimes my body's alive, other
> times numb and drooping. None of my limbs move as before. It's taken
> years and the hulk little by little gets stronger and gives me the
> energy to face the day. When I venture out all's pot luck. Guess I
> still get the chance to tell the tale.
> Just keep moving where you want to go. You'll get there.
> >>
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