Good old military. An apex of insularity and assault. Great that you fought. Better that you survived. Now I see the odds. You deserve awards for your efforts. Re: your feelings. They're yours to share or not. Pick and choose, as do all of us. Steve >From: Betty Alfred <[log in to unmask]> >Subject: Re: hostility toward PWDs (betty an Deri) >Date: Sat, 11 Dec 1999 06:58:37 EST > >In a message dated 12/11/1999 1:48:24 AM Eastern Standard Time, >[log in to unmask] writes: > ><< I'll second your notion on Deri. > I just read your prior post on your second Fire Depart "experience" and > Deri's reply. I wonder why you absorbed the trauma and brutality and > didn't fight back. You were being tested and taunted by bullies. You > were being discriminated against. threatened, and harassed because of > your sex. Why didn't you sue or file a discrimination complaint? Why > didn't you "confront" the ringleaders, stand your ground. > I'm not trying to be critical or give a lecture. I honestly don't know > what I would have done were I in your position. What I'm trying to > understand is what happened to your personal power and your class > consciousness. Were you really so helpless and fearful? > >I never said I didn't fight back. Every day was a fight. I went through >my >chain of command, I filed a 22 page affidavit with the EEO, and I used >every >bit of power at my disposal to combat that situation. When the culture of >an >organization is such that discrimination is ignored, the person who is >being >victimized is not going to find help. Blinders are standard issue in that >organization. I finally requested a congressional investigation. The >Commanding Officer (Dept. of the Navy) lied in his response, and that was >the >end of the investigation. By that time, I was unable to fight any longer. >Believe me, I did all that I could do and I didn't have a blasted shred of >help in this -- not from anyone. Trust me, I can look at myself in the >mirror. > > I also don't see what occurs now to bring up the feelings you dread. > New circumstances, same feelings? Then you may need to deal with the > feelings if they're not based on circumstances. Some of this has to do > with you, not the circumstances, how you feel and respond to aspects of > circumstances. > >Let's just say that I regret posting what I posted Steve. I don't talk >about >this otherwise, and I'm sorry I made an exception in this case. > > Powerlessness, vulnerability, and disability intertwine. I've no easy > answer here. I've dealt differently at different times. I try to let > fear inform, not rule, me. Sometimes I maintain the balance, sometimes > not. Not easy, no rose garden (besides, they have thorns). > Perhaps like you I'm in the process of finding and building the new me > out of the ashes of the old. That's why I've become more the hermit, > because my old outerwear doesn't fit, and I'm still learning how to make > what's left work. I even get some of your symptoms when my naked spinal > cord decides to fry my hands and feet. Sometimes my body's alive, other > times numb and drooping. None of my limbs move as before. It's taken > years and the hulk little by little gets stronger and gives me the > energy to face the day. When I venture out all's pot luck. Guess I > still get the chance to tell the tale. > Just keep moving where you want to go. You'll get there. > >> ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com