Dear Peter,

>Besides,
>after 25 years on a vegetarian and low-consumption life style with no
>kids, I reckon I have a little environmental credit in my favor. :-)

True, true.

>It already has but still only ever so little. The taste is at best
>neutral and the consistency brings me to tears almost every time. In my
>head I am freaking out screaming, it is an animal - its an animal!
>and I am on verge of throwing up. To make the transition a little
>easier I have tried experimenting with some cooked chicken and fish to
>help to get used to the whole idea. When cooked the taste & texture is
>a little better and my emotional reaction not quite as strong, but it
>is still a huge struggle.

>Dietwise, I am bit in no-where land these days still trying to reach my
>ideal of a raw version of the zone but in practice, I am eating mostly
>raw vegetables with raw dairy and eggs raw in a smoothie. I feel more
>balanced and my blood (live blood analysis) has stabilized for the
>first time in years. Interestingly, the few times I have had meat, I
>have been getting volume stops quicker & faster than with any food I
>have ever had. Its funny; the idea of eating animal foods I have
>completely come to terms with but when it comes down to even thinking
>of having some at my next meal, I feel horror like that a little child
>being dragged to the dentist. I certainly have a lot of vegan
>deprogramming to go through before I am able to eat the animal foods I
>believe I am in need of.

Thank you for sharing your heartfelt struggle with RAF-eating.  I
acknowledge your *deep* integrity and empathize with your
soul-searching dilemma.

>The problem with most radical diets is that the personal discipline and
>social isolation that they so often demand of those who try to stick to
>them is usually contra-indicative to the development of a balanced
>personal & spiritual growth.

Wow, that's right.  How obvious but how heretofore unarticulated!
Thank you.

>Many on this list are trying to make the
>best of both worlds, but I think the difficulty lies more in a lack of
>ability to define ourselves in a positive sense than of trying to unite
>or a distance ourselves from these two opposites that so rarely fit
>together. Both approaches wear thin with time and do not provide for
>much real content or connection. Besides, when the latest gossip has
>been exchanged and we have shaken our heads and thrown our hands to the
>sky in disbelief over the latest T.C. Fry/ G.C.Burger expose or NFL/
>Bob Avery ranting or shared our longings for some integrity and sanity
>what is left? Often a deep emptiness because our expectations to each
>other have been set too high and cannot fill out the void and longing
>for community we feel inside, and we realize that we still are more
>part of the problem than we like to admit. When this happens I often
>long back to the familiarity of sharing a common cause & enemy from a
>safe & uncommitting distance like two neighbors exchanging the latest
>gossip over the fence or get real nostalgic about the days when things
>were simple and I dreamt of being a vitarian inhaling my meals with
>Johnny Lovewisdom in the crisp mountain air of Ecuador.

EXCELLENT WRITING!!!

>Back in the real world my experience has been more often than not that
>the worse the diet the bigger the heart and more open the mind. I
>realize this a not the most positive testimonial but the fact that we
>have a gathering place like this where inquiring minds can meet for the
>exchange of intelligent & provocative thought remains a blessing in my
>book, and I am grateful to everybody who is making it happen.

Me too.  Small though our hearts and closed though our minds may be!!!

>It is pretty easy for animals in the wild to live instinctively as they
>unlike humans do not have a dominating neocortex filled with neurotic
>ideations and obsessive thought patterns causing their consciousness to
>be cut off from their instincts.

Well, what about those deer in the following article reprinted in the
M2M in February 1995?

JUNK-FOOD JUNKIE DEER SHOT (Saturday, January 7, 1995)

Grand Canyon National Park, Arizona (AP) - Park rangers are killing
off some two dozen mule deer that have become hooked on junk food
left by visitors.

Thirteen animals have been shot to death since early December, and
National Park Service rangers plan to kill about 12 more by the end
of the week, said David Haskell, chief of resource management for
Grand Canyon National Park.

The deer have gotten hooked on Cheetos, Fritos and candy handed out
at Phantom Ranch, losing their natural ability to digest vegetation,
said Haskell, who called junk food the "crack cocaine of the deer
world."

"They've become in extremely poor health, almost starving to death",
he said.  "All the deer at Phantom Ranch are so far atrophied
muscular-wise."

The animals are so tame that they walk right up to rangers, who then
shoot them.

An animal rights group said the Park Service could have prevented the
problem by enforcing regulations against feeding wildlife

"What they're doing essentially is getting rid of their mistakes",
said D. J. Schubert, direction of investigation of the Fund for
Animals.  "The deer should not have to pay with their lives."

The Park Service said it will increase its education program to stop
visitors from feeding animals.

Pesky deer loiter around the concession stand and the campgrounds,
begging for treats.


Wondering what instincts are,

Deborah