[  I reckon twelve years ago if I was threatened physically (as
[ > Tom Billings was), I would have stayed and waited. In my muscle shirt. With
[ > a wooden club in hand. No, I would have hunted down NFL. Pre-emptive. So
[ > insecure was this cowboy. Full of fear, anger and hate.

Ellie Commented on the above:

[ I identify with that. Sounds like you have done the work of detoxing
[ your brain of those emotions.

Jo sez:

I assumed that my overall physical detox (I began a hygienic lifestyle
during the summer '87) included a brain flush as well. Although to a
certain extent I can say that I calmed down somewhat, in hindsight this
assumption was one of my biggest mistakes. It took me more than a "clean"
diet to work through my emotional and mental issues.

Up until last year December when I was 100% raw, I was still an aggressive
punk (I would have waited for NFL at the Expo but in a sweatshirt to make
me look beefier). And then I decided to refocus on other aspects of my
life. The fear and anger slowly dissipated. I went off all raw. It seemed
like a natural decision; absent were the harsh judgements that plagued my
past. Now I'm on a "non-clean" diet, if I may say that, but my head space
is totally rewired. It's like night and day. I'm far more accepting and
cheerful.

So I think if I ever decide to try boosting my raw food percentage again,
the experience will be far more enjoyable. I can approach it with the
proper perspective, not this do or die fanaticism. I'm thinking, man, it's
taken me 40 years to get to this stage, but I'm glad I'm here. I wouldn't
trade this for the cleanest body in the world if it meant an existence of
fear, anger and hate. I mean, what's the use of having a clean body if
you're miserable from the time you wake up? if every little thing pisses
you off? if you thrive on hardship and pain? if you have this overwhelming
addiction to be right and make others wrong? No thanks, man.

(Jo cranks up his vintage Edison phonograph with a 78 that skips)
That I am far more than what I eat, for me, this awareness is where it all
started.