I've  decided that true construction-related stories are needed on this  
forum.
Here is one.  How about yours?

Steve  Stokowski
 
This little encounter took place yesterday 
 
 
Faux Stone 
The Mississippi prairie is so called because the soil is a lime rich  deposit 
of crushed shell and feeble lime stone thousands of years old . It is  the 
only place that I know where the conditions  are right for natural cements but 
the  large cement companies that park  their kilns there  aren't  interested in 
such nonsense. 
No they look at you like you politely the same way you look at a bug that  
doesn't belong in your house . Like the unwelcome bug you estimate your options  
on the best way to to dispose of it .Sweep it or smoosh it , the outcome is  
always the same . . 
One of the big local  CEO's of the cement world was building his  
architectural dream house way out in the Prairie .  When I made the run out  there to 
look at the big   mans  2.3 million dollar , little ol house  as he calls it   I 
got a  taste of the Hamptons ,Texas style. 
This neo Spanish  Club hacininda   is a testament in veneers , Right out of  
the Texas neo rich world of golf club architecture these architects are 
socking  it to the rich like there is no tomorrow   
All clad in flat veneers of Alabama ledge rock (sandstone 5” thick)  These 
stones are laid on end in 18" flats with  two inch beds that appear  as joints . 
None of this stuff could stand a New York winter,and it looks like a  patio 
floor turned on end .  
To give some  credit  they acid washed certain stones to bring out electric 
blues and  weird oranges and reds  so the whole  11,000 sq ft looks  like a 
mottled floor ,but floor it is ,in my book anyway . 
Arches ,columns ,sills ,headers  ” .American concepts of stone  construction  
is not unlike  their diet of fast food , there is little regard in how it is 
constructed only  that  it looks like the real  thing. 
Im bidding the fireplaces ,neo classical sienna marble ,with herring bone  
hearths.(fire brick) 
All the rooms are connected by faux groin vaults (plywood with steel mesh  
all  set in decorative thin light  roman sized tile. 
The arches of the large dining room are the same ,thin veneers . The only  
substantial construction that I can tell are the in ground pools overlooking the 
 lake. 
Yesterday I made a trip out to the house a second time as it is  a dirt road 
off a dirt road that’s on  the last left (dirt road).  Half way  there There I 
ran into a television crew out of Chicago making a movie out over  one of the 
hills . 
I pulled up with my crew laboring behind me in a second truck , and asked  
the  location manager in my  best red neck  drawl 
“what ...are y’all doing” 
As she explained  I  could see she was a little fearful  at being an outsider 
from the North  and not sure of  the sudden invasion  of their site by so 
many pirates   in tank tops sporting  tattoos with wrap around sun glasses  
riding shotgun as back  up. 
She seemed like a nice person so I decided to have a little fun  with 
skittishness   
When  she had finished her  explanation about the movie ;  
I  deadpanned  my gaze at her and set  “Y' all  need  to  hurry up and finish 
by dinner , because were fixing to burn a  cross heah (here)  this evening” 
Her mouth dropped about ten stories ,and as she turned  heel  to inform the 
director my crew  and I all  busted up ,laughing  and waving  as we left   
their  gathering in a slow roll of dust.