Superb. Merry Christmas





-----Original Message-----
From: MSGuild <[log in to unmask]>
To: BULLAMANKA-PINHEADS <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Fri, Dec 24, 2010 7:59 pm
Subject: [BP] secret santa


Secret Santa 
 
 
Does this happen at your house ? 
ok it is the night before....... the night before Christmas 
My heat has gone out ; I have in ground thermal ; and the bloody heat pump goes off 
Grrrrrrr  so Im chopping wood and calling in favors 
Hey Mutt  remember that electrical contract I got for you and Jeff  this year ?
 yeah the one you made $25k from 
well my heat pump went  down and can you come over for a look see ?
so I m chopping wood until he gets here 
 
Now to make matters worse I went to hide  Santa Claus presents in one closet and had to be turned away to find another closet as some relative already had their Santa stash in there 
.Then when I got to the next  closet  
iI also had been commandeered with  santa gifts brought over by my brother in law  . 
 GRRRR
whats going on here....What am I ? chopped liver ? Do I live here or what? 
  Seems our house has become the secret  drop  off box  for my in-laws  to hide their secret Santa gifts from the prying eyes of  little  fingers  
But that's no excuse ; with closet space now at a premium ;
pray tell where is my hiding spot for Santa  ?
 
ok .That leaves the  upstairs 
..Now upstairs is the sacred domain le Peanut   
and  to think there is not one sq inch up there that  is unknown  to her  is quite ridiculous  
Like a minefield  she has every inch of that magic kingdom covered .
So its nuts  a to even  try to hide anything up there from her  .
 
Ok ; now im upset .....That leaves  the great outdoors or around  the house ;
; Out there  I  have two likely places  ; 
One is the  John Deere tractor 
and the other a low rider 92 industrial silver Buick Road Master  station Wagon ; 
. 
The tractor much to my surprise is harboring  a family of Christmas mice under its seat 
; and so to kick them out  now so close to Christmas  would not be in keeping with the message of Christmas ;
That  leaves the  BUICK  ;;or the Silver sled as peanut calls it, 
 a low rider custom  cruiser if there ever was one ;
The Buick is stripped of its faux wood paneling  and tricked out  with a boom box that razzes in vibration  with  the sound of the  base 
accompanying  this sound is a deep throated  Hollywood muffler dual exhaust system 
 that turns heads when moving off the line of a red light .
The "Silver sled " is by apperance a silver coated armor plated bad boy  
that looks more at home in the Hood of  Dee -troit 
than in the bucolic country side we live in  
 
In honest I  use it mostly in  the summer and the fall months  
when I take kids fishing or swimming ; or to the nighttime football  or baseball games. ;
 so we  can drive through  the outdoor  drive through's  cruising  for burgers   so the girls can scream "yuk at boys of the same age  .
The silver sled  is the largest station wagon ever made ; and can handle the traffic 
 It has a 350 engine and is all electric power ;and came from the same  era as  ENRON  and the rise of the tech market ;when big was better and Greed was legal  and hopefully  we will never see  the  likes of  those days again 
 
We covet it as a summer car  because we can  get  up to  7 or eight kids in it and go on road trips  to swimming holes;.and still have room for the take home groceries .
That's right ; here in the summer when its hot ; its nothing to pile in a half dozen   bouncing  and  wiggling  tween girls 
doing barefoot handstands singing Karioke wearing silly bands and hand me down  bleached out and tattered two pieces sporting   tye dye tank tops  all waving their arms and  doing   free style  rap  while  passing cars gape in wonder and astonishment 
 
Me ? 
Im the Dad ; I like the windows rolled down and no air ; just like the old days ; and the way it used to be 
I park a black Maduro stub (unlit ) in the corner of my puss 
;and pull down my  pool shooters straw  just  above the  eye brows  
 then  cruise  the old  back roads monitoring the rearview mirror as the kids sing and sway  for position    and attention texting girl friends or moms or just letting  the wind blow their hair blow in the summer breeze.
 while I mouth to them  into the rearview mirror    
"Hey!!! put your seat belts  back on  NOW ..... "and " "don't make me stop ; 
"believe me YOU DO NOT WANT TO MAKE ME STOP "   this car ; 
 .
We make for the  vine shrouded swimming holes ; cool deep pools in fresh water streams that bring out the indain in them ;Here  they can run  barefoot  and  swing out over  the cool  water before dropping  off into that wonderful abyss and splash  to  shrieks of joy      .
 They  play pirate girl and lord of the flies ;walking the plank and ;climbing  ancient rooted paths made of  smooth mud then go off  dashing  wildly  through forested  cane breaks  that weave in and out of  giant  semi tropical  elephant ear plants ;whose storied  big  leafs  dwarfs them in size  
They serve their brought lunch  in rough shod  lean twos made from scavenged  bamboo ;and  doll out
 little containers of  Sunny D's  and Hawaiian  fruit   punch to go with their wonderbread sandwhiches of P&J  as if it were mana  from the gods ; 
Daddy  meantime has found  himself a large leafy oak to snooze and  peruse his  biography of Einstein under. Here he can  idle the afternoon while keeping one eye open   while  escaping  the  heat of  the day   .
 
But that was summer and several books ago .
Its now late December and  the "Silver Sled " sits lonely and forlorn  in the cold  crisp hoarfrost 
of the  December moon  . 
She sits by the  edge of the pasture silently  awaiting for the  call of summer once more  when she can go and play and  become useful again  .  
 
It will be a minuet before I can get out to her  ;
 First I have to wait until  peanut goes to sleep  ;;and to do that this night will take reading to her   a promised story 
  "When the Grinch stole Christmas " 
while maybe autobiographical sketch in subject matter ;  this story as  you all know  this is not a quick read 
To successfully  read it  to peanut  requires  the skill of bells and whistles and  the creative  nuances of  voice overs especially  for the  complicated character of the Grinch  .
The reading  however wears her down until her eyes finally give in  and off she goes  to sleep    
 
Nows the  chance 
With her fast asleep    I make my plan  to get her Santa presents out of my truck 
 and into the silver sled ;so there won't be any discovery in the morning 
Then on Christmas eve Ill move them into the house   
Short and sweet ; well almost   .
 
First I  get bundled up in my winter coat ; then slip on  my camp shoes over my  woolen socks ;and head to the truck while securing  a  head lamp flashlight to the center of  my forehead  
Its  led light guides my way as I  trudge out into the cold confines of this winters night  
There in the pale light of the  moon  I find my truck;  then with her santa treasures retrieved and under arm   I secretly steal back  over   to the Silver Sled  for  drop off 
 again short and sweet 
All  is going swimmingly 
Not since I had worked for our embassies in the communist countries had I been awarded  such 
intrigue and  mystery  
I got to the silver sled walking Indian style ;  then looking all around to make sure I wasn't observed   I pulled open the  frozen door with a hard jerk 
The  hard pull broke the air seal of the passenger door  making a giant sucking sound;at the door gasket  and brought forth  three Christmas packages to come pilng out of there and crashing   to the cold ground  
I was furious ....Someone (my bother in law again ? had taken liberty of my hiding place  without telling or asking me  
This was incredulous ;  who ever put these in here  im going to call and tell them  to get them .....now  
.... Christmas or no Christmas .I live here and have the right to my own spaces .
after all .enough is enough .. I want my space ;  I want my Christmas back 
I am Freezing my sleigh  bells off here and  I find myself getting more angry and upset  by the moment 
 Im going to kill who ever did this 
I turn my head lamp  to scan the presents  for clues .
The first thing I notice is that the packages were  crudely wrapped in ribbon and slightly disheveled  with  un even edges carrying   too much tape 
I expertly picked them up  for closer examination ; gingerly turning them  on end as if they were the work of the  uni bomber 
after all  I was scanning  for evidence on who to call and get over here ;this was serious business 
 
I was looking for anything ; a name tag ,a sign ; a bit of telltale   forensics; anything at all that would point a finger to  the  capture and conviction of the   guilty party   
At first I couldn't find any thing ; nada  .zip ;
then my head lamp picked up  one piece of incriminating evidence; a  small name card 
;  a home made cut from the  wrapping paper and  pasted haphazardly to the  box  .
I fingered it nervously for legibility; 
 It was in primitive cursive as I  read aloud its Christmas message  
 
To Daddy "     
 Merry Christmas .....LOVE xoxox .Peanut .
   /py
 
 

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