Sylvia,

I am totally blind, and have been married to my second wife (also totally 
blind) for almost sixteen years.  My first wife was also totally blind, and 
although our marriage ultimately ended, our blindness wasn't the issue.

I used to think that two blind people marrying each other was the best 
choice, but now I think it's more important to base the relationship on 
shared values and beliefs.  Others on this list have mentioned the power 
dynamics between blind and sighted partners, and I have to agree that this 
can certainly become a problem if not properly addressed.  I also think that 
any other issue you can name can also destroy a marriage if the partners 
can't find a way to work it through.  My present wife and I have often 
commented on how much easier things would be if one of us could see. 
Usually, we express our frustration by saying something like "I wish I could 
drive you to ..." or "I wish I could read that for you ..."  How very easily 
those thoughts could turn to resentment if we didn't like and love each 
other.  I just know that marriage is beautiful when it works, and awful when 
it doesn't.

Steve

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Sylvia Bernert" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, May 30, 2013 15:23
Subject: Re: sighted wife


> Hello All,
> This is a very interesting thread.  My husband and I are both totally 
> blind
> and have 2 children.  Observing things from both perspectives, I think it 
> is
> much harder to be a blind man than a blind woman.  I think it's very hard 
> on
> a man's ego to be blind, especially because the man is supposed to be the
> breadwinner.  My husband has struggled with employment much of his life.
> Women are typically known for being handsy, helpful and compassionate.  I
> find that people are more apt for helping me and going out of their way 
> for
> me than they are for my husband.
>
> I love my husband dearly, however, to be honest with you, should a second
> chance ever present itself I will NEVER marry a blind spouse again.  With
> both of us being totally blind, there is just too much detail in life to
> have to worry about.  We feel like we have very little privacy because
> sometimes we need help filling out paperwork or someone always has to know
> where we're going because they obviously have to drive us those places. 
> It
> seems like someone always knows something because we need help.  This 
> seems
> to be both of our pet P's, having to depend on others for things.
>
> Sylvia Bernert
> "If you can conceive it and believe it, you can achieve it."
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: For blind ham radio operators [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
> On Behalf Of Gery Gaubert
> Sent: Thursday, May 30, 2013 11:52 AM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: sighted wife
>
> Well I am ok with the fact that my mother in law and father in law let 
> thei=
> r concerns be known.  I always did get along with them and we joke about 
> se=
> eing and not.  I have a son the is 23 now but due to financial issues my 
> wi=
> fe was working when my son was born.  I raised him and he is ok.  I guess 
> i=
> f the person I fell in love with were blind it would have worked out too.
>     Since we are open and honest, I must say that many of you seem more 
> in=
> dependent than I am.  I don't go many places alone and a big issue is when 
> =
> I go some where with my wife, the issue of getting around in the men's 
> room=
> bothers me.  It is really embarrassing to have to ask for help but you 
> hav=
> e to go.  Curious on how others handle this situation.  I am totally blind 
> =
> and have to artificial eyes so no light or shadow perception.  In spite of 
> =
> my lack of independence, I am assistant director of the county sheriff's 
> of=
> fice IT division.
>
> Gery D. Gaubert
> Assistant, Information Technology Administrator St. Charles Parish 
> Sheriff's
> Office office (985) 783-0208 mobile 504-329-9439
> [log in to unmask]
>
>
>
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