The difference between you and Job is you have been given the comforter, 
the Holy Spirit with in you, and it is very honestly the reliance on that 
inner sense of peace that we sometimes have to clear off the noise in our 
life and mind in order to hear him, that gives us the strength and what 
we  need. It is simple, but not necessarily easy at times for sure. The 
world is full of people who want us to please them, either to them 
personally in task, or to please their image of us if we fall short. The 
latter is their own doing, and their responsibility to handle, not mine to 
change according to what they feel I ought be. Depression  can have roots 
of feeling as though we've fallen short of either our, or other's 
expectations. This out of a strong desire to please, some are born with 
certain traits as servants heart, to please, to do for others, and some are 
thrust this on them by abuse and therefore seek approval from those around 
them. The former is good when kept in perspective, to serve others is good, 
but not to a point of consuming ourselves as a black hole might. The latter 
is not needed,well, theoretically. It is likened to a fear of heights 
maybe. If I were afraid of heights and walked near a guard rail on a upper 
deck of a building, I could be very afraid. Is the cause for fear 
warranted? No. But, it is very real in my moment nonetheless, at least to 
me. So is seeking approval, it is not necessary, but yet very real inside 
and that is the healing point. Where the need for approval lies, so does 
the lie which drives it. Which is what is so cool with God, we come as we 
are and we do our best with what we have been dealt in this wicked world, 
and grace keeps us in good standing with God until we one day reach 
the  point of perfection, and that day is when we're done here on this 
Earth according to God's say so. As Paul said, we aren't perfect and 
wretched man I am I do what I don't want to do, and yea I'm graced with 
grace, and even though my mistakes are made clean, do I purposefully make 
mistakes full well knowing I'm under grace? Absolutely not. That pretty 
much leaves us doing our best, knowing we will one day reach perfection and 
yet try  not beating our selves up as we go, or letting others beat  us up 
either. They have their own log to remove from the eye.

Brad




At 12:10 AM 9/6/2007, you wrote:
>Well, I am very depressed and can't seem to find a sane soul that
>understands my heart right now. I am feeling a lil like Job with his 3
>friends that gave him countless words of advise, but no real answers that he
>could grab a hold of. . I am hurting, but trying to allow God to soften and
>change my heart. If you do not want to read the following letter I wrote to
>God, its ok. I just needed to send it somewhere, so someone would know what
>I feel right now at 6:50 PM Wednesday evening. I love you all sweet tee
>
>
>
>Dear Jesus,
>
>I am not sure what I am doing wrong, but I feel pressured by those around me
>to hurry up in the healing you are doing. Lord, you know I am having severe
>trouble with loneliness and depression. I really would like to know how to
>let yo be God and Lord supreme in my life. I am just not sure how to let you
>all the way in, Jesus. I can't seem to get past blaming and resenting others
>for my condition. Even now after so much healing, I feel so empty and broken
>  I wish you would let me come home. I mean how will I ever make a difference
>I f I can't conform to the middle class stereo typical Christian? I hate
>their judgments and standards, God. They will not listen to me or change, I
>am the one in error. Mean while they pollute their doctrines on to other
>poor broken hurting people that have trouble meeting their standards. I get
>complaints all the time from these lost sheep of yours that the Church does
>not understand them. But how can I help? I mean I am as poor and broken as
>these you want me to help. According to the powers that be, I am not coming
>up to standards in daily living skills. Lord, I feel backed up into a corner
>and I feel so trapped.
>
>I feel confused about so many things. I am about ready to throw in the towel
>on trying to fit in. So, I quit asking for money, clean my house, go to
>every Church service, you know it will be something else they will have
>issue with. Was I born just to be an outcast or what? Well, I just wanted to
>get all of this off my chest. I know I am having a hard time understanding
>all I need to do. I really hope you will unclog my heart and help me to
>listen, respond and be obedient. I hate feeling resentful. Its just not Your
>way. Please forgive me for all of this self- absorbed chatter and self- pity
>  Thank you for allowing me the space just to poor out my heart.
>
>Please come and be near me Lord Jesus. I need you more now than ever. I
>really love you. Love your sweet tee rose.



Brad Dunse
http://www.braddunsemusic.com

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