Perk: I think when we share our ideas and feelings it is a very good thing. It would help me very much if you could tell me what you think about denial. It would help me very much. Anyway, I'm going to try and answer your question again. Here goes: When I denied being disabled, what I did was just pretend there was nothing wrong with me. (Like Steve said he pretended too) I know it might sound silly, but a person can really fool themselves. If you want to believe in something bad enough, you just can trick yourself until you honestly forget you have cerebal palsy! Steve also said, "Life's tough enough with CP. Pretending CP isn't there makes life tougher." He's right! When I was kid and even when I was like 24 years old, I was still pretending I walked straight, not all herky-jerky. Perk, when you were a little girl did you believe in monsters? Did you ever know a little kid who REALLY believed in monsters? If you are young, it is easy to be scared and truly believe there is a monster under your bed. Even if all your friends and all the grown-ups try to tell you not to be scared, or there are no such things as monsters, you still can't sleep without the light on because you really think there is a monster and he's gonna 'get you.' I believed in a big bad monster! Do you know what that monster was? Well, my monster was letting myself believe I was disabled. I was just too scared to stop pretending. It didn't matter that the doctors told me I had cp, or that all the kids made fun of how I walked and called me a cripple. I was SO scared of my monster, of letting myself believe I was disabled, I fooled myself into forgetting - or denying- I had cerebral palsy. Perk, did you ever have a hard time learning to do something? When I was young, I had tons of trouble trying to learn fractions in math. Everyone else in my class learned to use fractions right away. Not me. It took me almost two months longer! Well, just like when you are a kid in school, sometimes it takes you longer to learn a lesson even when you are an adult. It took me longer to stop believing in my monster. My life was much harder when I was still pretending. Since I didn't believe I had cp, I didn't know what to do when I started having even more trouble walking. When I was about 27 I started to fall down all the time. I was tripping and falling at work. I was very embarassed and scared. I didn't know what to do! I finally had to stop pretending I wasn't disabled, because there was an even scarier monster! I was scared to death because I didn't know how much worse I would get. I was scared I would need crutches or a wheel chair. I was scared because I never needed anything like that before. If you needed a wheel chair or crutches when you were a kid, then you know it is nothing to be scared of, but I hadn't learned that lesson. Once I stopped denying- pretending- I wasn't disabled my whole life got better! Because I finally let myself believe I had CP, I learned a hard lesson (like math). I learned I could talk to other people who had cerebral palsy, like here on the list. Perk, did you ever hear the song, "You light up my life" or maybe you saw the movie ET and know the song, "Turn on your heart light?" Well- I think of everybody here I can talk to on the list like a big bright light. All friends with cp, we share and talk about our problems. All of the good, bright shiney people with cp I talk with are like a great big night light. So now, I'm not scared of the monster anymore! I not scared to say "I have cerebral plasy." Perk, you might also want to read the post from Stephen Margolis, about Denial. He explains things better than I did. What he said, is how I feel too. Please,Perk, write me back and tell me if this explains what I said about denial. Thanks! Denise