Thanks! ---------- > From: I. STEPHEN MARGOLIS <[log in to unmask]> > To: [log in to unmask] > Subject: Embarrassing CP quirks > Date: Monday, 8 February 1999 14:59 > > Why embarrassed with these quirks > these shumbling CP hurky-jerks? > > Hi Fiona, > > Thanks for your interesting post. > > Regarding anger, laughter, and other emotions, I offer my opinion without > benefit of formal medical, psychological, or other kindred expertise. > > Thus, my perspective as a 58th year CP man, middle class and moderately > educated. At this advanced age life finds me going through change and > reappraisal. I'm reconsidering my beliefs, assumptions, and CP identity as > derived from the malarkey and BS that doctors, scientists, and other well > intended, dubiously witted, short sighted and money driven specialists push > and publish upon the rest of us. Clergy, teachers, parents, usually parrot > kindred bromides which disguise and undermine what often remains unexplored > about our best nature. I will try, however linguistically brainwashed, to > avoid the indecipherable argot which veils ignorance behind "specialist" > jargon. > > As you may well observe, Fiona, long after Eden, we varied adults still > sport our fig leaves. Our most difficult problems arise innately, > "structurally," from our being human: that strong emotions, senses, and > thoughts inform us and compel our actions. > > The human condition includes lifelong questions which occasionally yield > acceptable, often less than adequate and compromising, and ever changing > answers. > > If you read any of Bobby Greer's or Vikki A. Stefans' recent posts, > primarily to the CP Dystonia list, they attempt to convey a range of the > definitions and distinctions, including historical offerings, which doctors > and scientists are compiling on our (or is it their own?) behalf. I find > Bobby and Vikki to be brilliant, superbly educated and experienced, well > intentioned folks. Their efforts to share their knowledge warrants > appreciation. > > Yet their efforts make me laugh, seem absurdist What I find "laughable" is > the gap from what the definitions portend to their translation into useful > matters and means that improve my life, day to day. > > What I find lacking and harmful in assumptions about CP, and this may more > reflect my own bias and ignorance, is a dynamic, brain function based, > neurologic presentation of CP, one which better explains what questions you > raise regarding emotions or better reflects the rather dramatic adverse > changes in the range of abilities and health that Mag or Denise or Kyle or > others or I have been experiencing. > > The matters you raise are not unique. I've had anger, laughter, > physio-emotional response issues all my life. It's taken most of my life to > "sort out." Things still happen unexpectedly, sometimes from joy and > surprise, often unwanted. > > Controlling temper and putting matters in or keeping perspective takes > practice, a lifetime's worth. The tasks seem enormous when there's so much > to be angry about, much frustration in not being able to do for ourselves, > dependence on other people who usually don't do things quite right or don't > quite "get it." > > Some of us are more predisposed to anger. Some of us have to live with, > cannot readily change, conditions and situations which invoke anger. What's > tough to see in the CP experience is how typically predisposition and > situations stir anger in any person, i.e., it's not the "CP," it's being > human. > > I don't imply that CP doesn't play a role or take it's toll. I'd be in deep > denial to assert CP doesn't matter. To me CP probably behavior in ways > still misperceived and inadequately evaluated. We with CP are aware, if > understated, of its daily presence and impact. > > CP's have "balance" and "control" problems that come from organic brain > damage. Our emotional and physical actions and responses have to be > "recircuited" through healthy functioning brain regions. These areas do the > "extra" work of conducting "normal" functions and carrying the "duties" of > the injured parts while the injured parts may partially or erratically send > diminished or flawed signals, if at all. Has there yet been adequate > analysis of the impact of the signals on the central nervous system, the > ordering and control of the total body dynamic and personality development? > Not that I've ever heard. > > The injured brain and diverted pathways may contribute to emotions > experienced or expressed erratically, excessively, or in ways divergent with > social or physical norms. In other words, we don't usually look, move or > sound like nondisabled people in similar circumstances. Yet we know that > whatever our differences we're not abnormal. What I love about Mariana > Ruybalid's poetry: her powerful refusal to gloss reality. She insists on > her personhood and womanhood no matter her degrees of tilt from the > perpendicular, wields her wondrous beautiful awesome razored language. > Learn from Mariana, Fiona. > > Given intelligence and ability we are responsible for our actions and > reactions to others and our environment. A wise man has written > that people generally in any given social setting are likely to be rude, > crude, and indifferent. They regard others in terms of their own self > interest. If everybody usually functions similarly we can begin to > constrain anger when we realize someone else's behavior is not directed > towards us in a personal endangering manner. This gives opportunity to > distinguish what is dangerous, what is normally irritating, and promote > constructive behavior. > > My sense, Fiona, is that you really don't get angry over nothing. > Something, however trivial or trifling, irritates and angers you, frustrates > you, or raises your stress level to a point of anger or rage. > > The irony about being human is that trifles and trivia usually upset and > anger us more than the Big Issues or truly dangerous situations. Since > irritations are normal in daily life we need to learn the effective ways of > handling what's normal. Give yourself credit, Fiona. You noticed that your > current reactions are not providing satisfactory results. By so noticing > and sharing with us you've allowed yourself to develop another point of > view. You've set yourself on the path to change your behavior, a tremendous > achievement. > > Some techniques and awareness involve "spotting" anger and redirecting > toward getting a desired result or letting the anger go. The matter to be > realized is that you choose behaviors, actions, and reactions. Don't deny > your anger, express it, use it appropriately in a mature reasonable manner. > If you loose control and tip into rage, ok, make amends, acknowledge you'll > try to do differently next time. Keep becoming aware of the differences > between rage and controlled, merited, directed anger. > > As for being stressed and overwhelmed by the need to plan. Look gal, give > yourself a break. Do things in smaller segments. Let others help you. You > wouldn't try to get a pound of steak down in one gulp. Even God, with all > the tools available to Great Powers, took six days and one of rest to paste > together the Universe as we know it. He may have been His Own Boss, but He > was His Own Chief Steward, Who imposed limits on His work day. > > More reasonable expectations yield better results. You really don't need to > worry out every nugget in advance. Most important things in life happen > without exhaustive effort. Most of what needs to get done does. If you > worry or try to control too much you may need to address fear, lack of > experience, lack of self assurance. If you've got OCD or other dysfunction > then meds and therapy may be useful. > > The pressure and anxiety of anger and laughter in social settings eases with > experience, and maturity. As we age we grow into ourselves. Our reactions > and sensitivities to what we believe others want of us ease and we become > more self assured and secure, more centered on our priorities and purposes. > As we age and mature we grow more into our own acceptance of ourselves. > > I went through years of stifling laughter at funerals and not being able to > release in occupied men's rooms without secluding in a stall and hoping for > the best. Now I cry at funerals, usually. And these days I desperately > inch towards a men's room praying the urge won't prematurely surge. > > And yes I more times control or don't experience anger as I used to. While > I find it easier to stop my laughter, and often laugh less, I'm more amused > at much more often. > > Hugs. > > [;s> > > > > Date: Sat, 6 Feb 1999 17:40:25 +1100 > From: "B.GIVEN" <[log in to unmask]> > Subject: Embarrassing CP quirks > > I don't post on this list very often. > > I was wondering if any of you have difficulty controlling your temper and > putting things into perspective? > > I blow up over nothing. I get so stressed over planning things because I am > so dependant on other people. > > I was also wondering if any of you have trouble controlling your laughter? > > Thanks, > > Fiona