Hi - With a milk allergy in the house, etiquette has been an issue for us, too. Miss Manners says that you just eat smoething in advance and don't bother your hosts with the allergy, but that doesn't really cut it for us in many situations. Here's what we do: At large commercial events, such as benefits, or when we are going to a restaurant, we phone up the party being paid (the restaurant or the benefit sponsor) and say "One of our party has a milk allergy. He cannot even eat vegetables sauteed in butter. Can you accomodate us?" At dinner parties, what we say/do depends upon how well we know our hosts and how many other people are being invited. If it's a larger event with hosts whom we don't know well, we say nothing and eat enough in advance to get us through even if everything there is unsafe to eat. At a smaller event -- an intimate event -- we will ALWAYS say something like "I hope you don't mind my mentioning, but I'm allergic to all dairy products. Please don't plan your menu around me, but I'd be grateful if you'd let me contribute something to the meal." Usually the discussion continues from there, and most hosts will make sure that there's something we can eat on the table. We do this so as not to embarrass hosts who are trying to provide us with a pleasant evening. With old friends, regardless of the size of the event, we simply ask what the menu will be and offer to bring something. And at private homes, we ALWAYS bring a house gift and usually remember to send a note of thanks afterwards. Of course, those have nothing to do with a milk allergy! The only way you can tell if you're doing the right thing, of course, is if you're invited back. What do other people do? --Beth Kevles [log in to unmask] http://web.mit.edu/kevles/www/nomilk.html -- a page for the milk-allergic