<<Disclaimer: Verify this information before applying it to your situation.>> I don't know if this is an appropriate place for this, but here goes anyway. I feel so overwhelmed right now that I'm having trouble keeping myself calm. We're staying with my husband's family for a while (could be as long as a couple of months), and while I knew it wouldn't be exactly easy to keep our preschool daughter GF here, I hadn't anticipated just how trying it would be. From the big things to the minor things, I feel like I'm fighting upstream the whole way. For example, my in-laws are very busy people. Theye rarely cook--they usually throw something in the microwave or order out. This means that we always have to prepare something special for Marina. I don't mind doing this occasionally, but I get very frustrated when her need for a varied and healthful diet seems to fall by the wayside. While everyone else is helping themselves to processed meat, pasta salads, macaroni and cheese, and so on, Marina gets a hamburger reheated in the microwave for every meal unless I personally make something else--which is very difficult with a small baby in someone else's decidedly non-GF kitchen. It also makes me look ungrateful when I have to keep refusing the food that's offered. Even something as simple as trying to keep her food separate is so hard. Once I opened her jar of raspberry jam and found someone else's butter and crumbs in it. If I make a special GF treat for her, other people slip in and eat it up, even though I have a separate shelf for her stuff. Tonight, I watched the look on Marina's face as everyone, including her cousins, snarfed down some chocolate cookies that she couldn't have. I told her I would make her some cookies tomorrow that she could eat. One of her aunts came over and said, "Well, aren't you LUCKY that you get to have some SPECIAL cookies just for you!" Lucky? Please! The worst part is, absolutely none of this is malicious or intended. It's completely unconscious. These are warm, caring people who do not intend to hurt anyone. This is what depresses me the most: If I can't even count on intelligent, caring people to meet some basic nutritional and emotional needs for this little girl, what can I expect from the world at large? From schools? I am not going to be able to be there as a buffer for Marina in most of the situations she faces. What will happen? I am an excellent communicator. I have explained our philosophies and Marina's needs. I have posted a sheet on the refrigerator with a clear list of foods that are to be avoided. And yet, short of removing food away from the plate (which I have had to do at most meals), people still give her the wrong foods. I am eager to have my own home again so we won't have to deal with this, but in the meantime it's hard. It's hard to try to explain that the crabby, surly little girl they are seeing is not always like that--that she'd reacting to the food she's eating. I don't think that they really believe us when we tell them that Marina is NOT like what they are seeing. It is, all around, difficult for everyone. Sorry for this very long posting. I needed to vent a bit, and I was hoping that someone might have some words of wisdom. I want Christmas to be a positive experience for us. (Incidentally, if anyone wants to send me a private reply, please indicate in the subject line that this is private for Trisha--I'm using my father-in-law's e-mail for this, and I don't want to hurt his feelings if he sees any of this. They have been so wonderful to us. It's just not a perfect world, and tonight I'm overwhelmed by it.) Thank you to all the listmates who have been such a source of information and support to us. --Trisha (temporarily in Michigan) -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Harold W. Stevenson Professor of Psychology, University of Michigan 300 North Ingalls, Ann Arbor, 48109 email: [log in to unmask] web: http://chgdss10.chgd.med.umich.edu/~hstevens