I like this one. Thanks for sharing edie.

Daffeh
On Friday, 28 June 2013, Edie Sidibeh <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> THINK THEY KNOW BUT DON'T PERSON
> Above all, these people want to be appreciated. They want attention and
are very assertive about getting it. This is the type of person who knows
just enough to be dangerous. When you first listen, he sounds like he knows
what he's talking about. He's pretty convincing too since he himself
believes he knows what he's talking about. Sometimes listening to this type
of difficult person can be funny, but if something needs to be done
correctly and it's crunch time, this person loses his charm. Then it
becomes a vicious circle.
> People don't have the time to listen to him, and the less they listen to
him, the more he craves attention. It's natural to be infuriated by this
difficult person with his exaggerations and lies, but that won't get you
anywhere. If you confront him aggressively, he will only exaggerate more
and become louder.
> Your best approach is to catch him when he's giving out misinformation
and, without putting him on the defensive, put a stop to it. Ask him
questions that will clarify some specifics and show that he doesn't know
what he's talking about. Be sure to ask in an innocent manner since if he
feels humiliated, your approach will backfire. The next step is to correct
what this difficult person said with the facts as you know them. At this
point give him a way out by saying something like, "That's fairly new
information and maybe you haven't read it yet." If there's something you
can thank him for, you should do it.
> He will appreciate being appreciated. Then get back to a discussion of
the facts. This tactic can work out well for you because when this
difficult person sees that you know what you're talking about, he may
become a fan of yours. The final step with this difficult type is to
quietly let him know that his behavior has negative consequences for the
group. At the same time, continue to give him reinforcement with the good
things he does. That's really what he is looking for.
>
> DO ONTO OTHERS AS YOU WILL ACCEPT THEM IN RETURN. DO YOUR BEST AND LIVE
THEREST TAKING CARE FOR ITSELF
>
> ________________________________
> From: Edie Sidibeh <[log in to unmask]>
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Sent: Friday, 28 June 2013, 18:57
> Subject: Re: [G_L] Why difficult
>
> BUILDING YOUR PERSONAL POWER
> When we're talking about personal power here, we're not referring to
force or intimidation. We're talking about the power we have to validate
each other, and to satisfy each other’s natural, universal ego hunger
through acceptance, approval, and appreciation of each other. When we use
this power successfully, it opens doors to everything we desire. In this
chapter we'll take a look at your personal power. Most of us never
understand that we have any power -- not over ourselves or over other
people.
> A person who values other people will:
> 1. Acknowledge the value of others. Think of it this way:  (A). if you
were the only person in the world, how much could you accomplish?  (B). How
much more could you accomplish as one among billions? Does that drive the
point home? Did you ever consider that power is about how others see you?
If you want power, people must see you as powerful.
> 2. Make more of others -- this will make more of you. Give people credit
when it's due. It doesn't take anything away from you. On the contrary, it
shows that you are strong and generous. This makes people in general admire
you, especially the ones you are giving credit to.
> 3. Accept people for who they are. That doesn't mean that you necessarily
like them, but if you want others to give you the power you seek, you must
give it to them as well by allowing them to be who they are without judging
them.
> 4. Work on approval, even of people you don't like. Everyone has
something about him or her that you can admire. Everyone. When the other
person feels your approval, he or she will give you the power you seek.
> 5. Appreciate others. Respect them and their time. See their
individuality. When you give others the acceptance, approval, and
appreciation you want yourself, you are improving your life. This is a
self-fulfilling prophesy, and they will give acceptance, approval, and
appreciation back to you. When you're dealing with difficult people, they
will recognize your positive attitude toward them and reward you with their
cooperation.
>
> DO ONTO OTHERS AS YOU WILL ACCEPT THEM IN RETURN. DO YOUR BEST AND LIVE
THEREST TAKING CARE FOR ITSELF
>
> ________________________________
> From: Edie Sidibeh <[log in to unmask]>
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Sent: Wednesday, 26 June 2013, 22:42
> Subject: Re: [G_L] Why difficult
>
> SECRETS FOR INFLUENCING DIFFICULT PEOPLE
> Do you want to know a powerful secret that everyone should know but few
people do? Whether we know it or not, the most precious possession for
every human being is his ego. This does not mean that the person is
"egotistical" in the pejorative sense of the word.
> What we are talking about is a sense of human dignity that we are all
born with. It's a knowledge deep in each man or woman's heart that he or
she is important and deserves respect. This is the true basis for
self-esteem. It's a healthy force and a birthright. People who don't
understand this often try to become significant through making money,
becoming famous, or gaining power or significance in many different
> ways.
> This can cause a person to become an egotist in the negative sense, but
that never satisfies the hunger for true inner self-esteem since it doesn't
get to the root of real self esteem. This unsatisfied yearning for
self-esteem creates most of the trouble in the world and also in the
psyches of difficult people.
> If we remember a few truths about ourselves and everyone else, it will
help us have much more successful relationships and encounters with others.
Remember,
> 1. We all care more about ourselves than anything else in the world.
There's nothing wrong with this. It's how we survive.
> 2. Every person wants to feel significant.
> 3. Every person craves approval by others, so that he can approve of
himself.
> We need to have some self-esteem before we can be kind to others. We need
to like ourselves, at least to some extent, before we can like others.
Knowing this helps us to understand why others act badly sometimes, and
possibly why we do, too.
> When self esteem is good, people are easy to get along with. Their
positive qualities dominate. They are tolerant and willing to listen to
others' points-of-view. They can admit to being wrong sometimes since this
is not crushing to their healthy self-esteem. When self-esteem is low,
people are difficult to get along with. People who come on as bullies or
blowhards do so because of low self-esteem, not high self-esteem. When
self-esteem is low, even a critical glance or slightly negative remark can
have a severe sting.
> Can you see the lesson here? The way to deal with this difficult person
(all difficult people) is to help him like himself better. And do it in a
genuine, authentic way, not in a superior, patronizing way. We all have
good qualities as well as bad. Can you find the good qualities in the
difficult person? If so, you will be able to treat him with respect. He
will recognize that you have respect for him and will be easier to
communicate with, now and in the future. Remember, we all have a deep
hunger for respect, and if you treat others with respect, they will be much
easier to get along with.
> extract from dealing with difficult personalities
>
> DO ONTO OTHERS AS YOU WILL ACCEPT THEM IN RETURN. DO YOUR BEST AND LIVE
THEREST TAKING CARE FOR ITSELF
>
> ________________________________
> From: Edie Sidibeh <[log in to unmask]>
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Sent: Wednesday, 26 June 2013, 22:23
> Subject: [G_L] Why difficult
>
> WHAT MAKES SOME PEOPLE DIFFICULT?
> The first thing we need to do to improve relationships with difficult
people is to understand where they're coming from. People behave based on
what they're thinking. Their behavior can change very quickly as their
thoughts change, but understanding their frame of mind is the place to
start.
> Everyone has a wide range of behavior including normal behavior and
behavior under difficult circumstances. In their book Dealing with People
You Can't Stand, Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirschner talk about intent
being at the root of behavior. They believe there are four types of intent:
getting it done, getting it right, getting along, and getting appreciation.
> Depending on what they want at the time, difficult people can shift from
one of these states to another. You can easily tell where people are coming
from by looking at their communication style. In the "get it done" mode
people are focused on a task to be completed. Communication is brief and to
the point.
> In the "get it right" mode focus is on the details of the task, with
documentation to prove the task has been done correctly. In the "get along"
mode the person is considerate of others' feelings and opinions. In the
"get appreciated" mode the person has an elaborate style that calls
attention to himself.
> Clearly, if people who are working together have the same communication
style, it would be smooth sailing. Problems arise when people with
different communication styles or intent are working together. For
instance, when people want to "get it done" and it's not getting done, they
become more controlling. The Big Bully, The Ambush Artist, and The No It
All Non-Listener all become more controlling when they feel threatened.
When people want to "get it right" and are afraid it's being done wrong,
they become more perfectionistic. The Deep Deep Freeze, The No, Not, Never
Person, and The Complaint Central Person all become more perfectionistic
when they feel something is being done incorrectly.
> When people want to "get along" and think they're being left out, they
become more approval seeking. The Wishy Washy One and the Yes Me to Death
Fraud become even more approval seeking when they feel they are being
ignored or rejected. When people want "to be appreciated" and think they're
not, they become more attention seeking. The Volatile Volumizer and the
Think They Know It Alls try harder to get attention when they feel they are
not being appreciated.
> Have you noticed that while you're reading through this list of the 5
most difficult behaviors, you might have run into yourself? If we’re going
to be honest, don't we all whine, complain, procrastinate about making a
decision, and all the other behaviors from time to time? The difference is
probably that we don't do it as often as difficult people and we don't do
it with the intensity they do. When we see ourselves acting this way, we
often deliberately change our behavior. Difficult people become more
difficult when they feel threatened and not understood, so how we interact
with them is key to them behaving at their best, not their worst. In the
next chapter will take a look at how we can communicate with difficult
people to bring out the best in them.
>
>
> DO ONTO OTHERS AS YOU WILL ACCEPT THEM IN RETURN. DO YOUR BEST AND LIVE
THEREST TAKING CARE FOR ITSELF
>
> ________________________________
> From: Edie Sidibeh <[log in to unmask]>
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Sent: Wednesday, 26 June 2013, 22:05
> Subject: [G_L] Difficult personalities
>
>
>


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