It made me cry to. I thought of the many friends I
know whose marriages have ended. I thought of the reasons why they said it ended
and I was just sad.
Life is hard for everyone. No one gets a life with
no problems, no worries, no fears or concerns. Marriage is a challenge
sometimes, but if we could do it on our own, we wouldn't need God.
blessings to you and Vernon
Rhonda
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Sunday, December 12, 2010 1:43
PM
Subject: Re: on marriage
Dear Rhonda,
Oh, how sad.
I don't even know what
to say. I will just keep loving Vernon deeper and deeper. He is my loving
squeeze.
This makes me cry.
Thanks for sharing
it.
Love,
Pat Ferguson
At 12:26 PM 12/12/2010,
you wrote:
I got this from a ffriend's
facebook page! wow! caused tears to fill my eyes, how many marriages are
broken up becauuse of feelings like this?
If you don't read or
share this nothing will happen to you.If you do, you just might give someone
hope and save a marriage.
MARRIAGE
When I got home that night
as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to
tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her
eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let
her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic
calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked
me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She
threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night,
we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out
what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a
satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her
anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a
divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and
30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into
pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a
stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could
not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried
loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry
was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me
for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day,
I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I
didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast
because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up,
she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned
over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce
conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice
before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to
live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his
exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken
marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she
asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding
day.
She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry
her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was
going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd
request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed
loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has
to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had
any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So
when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son
clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me
a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I
walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said
softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat
upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to
work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us
acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance
of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a
long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles
on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her.
For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day,
when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the
woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and
sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't
tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by.
Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what
to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a
suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly
realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry
her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me ... she had buried so much pain
and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her
head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry
mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an
essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and
hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might
change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from
the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded
my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our
wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last
day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone
to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life
lacked intimacy.
I drove to office ... jumped out of the car swiftly
without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my
mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry,
Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me,
astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I
moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My
marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details
of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize
that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to
hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up.
She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I
walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I
ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to
write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning
until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my
hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed
-- dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy
with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to
save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push
thru with the divorce. At least, in the eyes of our son -- I'm a loving
husband....
The small details of your lives are what really matter in
a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the
bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give
happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do
those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy
marriage!
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how
close they were to success when they gave up.
------------
"In any
marriage, obstacles arise, anger flares up, and weariness dulls our
feelings. When this happens, people often respond by pulling back and
becoming more distant. The mature response is to move forward past the pain
and apathy not by looking to start over with somebody more 'exciting.'
Fulfillment should first be found in living faithfully before God, not in
seeking our own plans, pleasures and happiness. Marriage is difficult; even
among Christians tensions can rise so high and hurt and apathy can be so
deeply embedded that reconciliation would take more energy than either
partner could ever imagine possessing in ten lifetimes. The truth is that in
a lot of marriages, God can and will provide the Spirit and energy;
unfortunately, in most cases people are just not willing to receive it."
(Sacred Marriage, What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More than to
Make Us Happy?)
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