Hi all, I just got this from a friend and thought you all could use a chuckle! GRIN! 73 and 88 whare appropriate: John John Jacques Amateur Radio Station: KG7FA "Where Cat Is, Is Civilization!" --------- Forwarded message ---------- From: Marilyn Dorn <[log in to unmask]> To: (Recipient list suppressed) Date: Sat, 10 Jan 2009 22:22:46 -0800 Subject: New Discovery Message-ID: <[log in to unmask]> >New Method Discovered > >Someone once described a violin as a contrivance by which the tail of >a horse can be made to extract music from the entrails of a cat. The >process was painless for the horse but required considerable sacrifice >on the part of the cat. That was long ago and modern steel has >replaced catgut as the material of choice for violin strings, thus >limiting the utility of the modern cat. However, I recently discovered >a phenomenon that could, in some measure, rehabilitate the specie to >its rightful place in service to mankind. > >While tuning through the HF bands one evening in the ham shack, my cat >jumped up on the bench for a visit. As I idly scanned the frequencies, >I reached over to pet the cat, rubbing my hand down his back. I >chanced to touch the cat's nose and drew a spark of static >electricity. A sharp pop issued from the speaker of the receiver. This >excited my curiosity and further experimentation confirmed my >suspicions. On a lark, I tried using the cat to call CQ and to my >amazement, received a reply! True, the other station was right in my >same neighborhood, but a contact nonetheless. I found, however, that >the arrangement was very broad banded and my signal was splattering >out of the band for which I was licensed. Further experimentation was >conducted and my refinements and observations are recorded here. > >A tunable bandpass filter was capacitively coupled to the cat for >frequency selection. Back issues of QST featured a QRP rig constructed >in a tuna can. I used the article as a starting point for the power >supply for my rig. The idea being to charge the cat with the contents >of a can from which the top has been freshly removed. Research and >experimentation has shown that a fully charged cat exhibits greater >stability during transmission. Placing the cat on a square of copper >screen connected to an earth ground helps the cat to maintain >proper location and enhances the signal level. Sort of a grounded grid >amplifier. Rubbing the cat's fur with one's hand rather than some >mechanical contrivance improves stability and soothes the cat. I call >this method Armstrong Excitation. > >Keying is accomplished by either of two methods: Straight key from the >cat's nose, as initially discovered above, and Iambic keying by >alternately contacting the cat's ears with the thumb and index finger. >As right handedness (or, to a lesser degree, left-handedness) is >present to some extent in all species, the cat's ear-flick reflex will >be uneven, the right ear generally somewhat faster and thus generating >a dit while the left produces the dah. The cat seems to prefer short >QSO's and the heavy use of Q-signals. Longer QSO's would probably >require a battery of cats employed in relays. > >Armstrong Excitation, as described above, necessitated the use of the >Farnsworth method of transmission. (a high character speed with fairly >long intervals between characters) This also enhanced stability on the >part of the cat. Performance seemed to top out at about 4 WPM, the >limiting factors being the Armstrong Excitation and the tolerance of >the cat. > >The cat seemed to suffer no permanent physical injury, but the animal >has come to expect charging from the tuna can power supply any time CW >tones are heard. This expectation has caused a severe case of >Pavlovian drooling and has resulted in some water damage to some of >the pages in my logbook. > > >I wrote this as an April Fools piece for the club newsletter back when >I was active in amateur radio. Now I just follow the local weather >nets when the need arises, but spend most of my time in the shop >machining and writing. > >Wes >KB8UKS