-------------- Original message --------------
From: Cecily Ballenger <[log in to unmask]>

> I think you should let Gretchen go. You've done all you can to win her, but
> she's not responding and only doing what she wants to do and living the way
> she wants to live. I think we all agree.
>
> Cecily
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: The Electronic Church [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
> Behalf Of Kathy Du Bois
> Sent: Saturday, June 24, 2006 4:41 AM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: Your Opinion
>
> Phil,
> I've been thinking and praying about my answer for a
> while. You know that I know that our situations are slightly
> different. Gretchen is a girl and there are grand children
> involved. I've always acknowledged that. However, it has been your
> advice to me over the years that has given me the strength and
> resolve to do, what I trulye believe is proving to be in the best
> interest of Chris, hard as it is. I wish that you could go back over
> some of the advice that you've given to me over the years and now
> apply it to yourself in this situation.
> You've asked before, on this list, our opinion about forcing
> Gretchen to leave and, if memory serves me correctly, the majority
> has seemed to be in favor of letting her go and face the full blast
> of the consequences of the life she continues to choose to live. You
> told me that Chris should not be allowed to run my house or allowed
> to rob me of the tranquility that God wants to offer. Why do you
> allow Gretchen to continue to rob you of yours?
> Also, if it is wrong to live in sin, such as the way she is
> choosing to live with her boy fri end, by making it easier on her,
> isn't that sort of like supporting her in her sin? Isn't that kind
> of like sending a mixed message to her that you shouldn't do this,
> but I love you too much to suffer the consequences, so I'll continue
> to help you out? If you study the life of Judah and Israel, God,
> the perfect parent, did eventually let go and make his children
> suffer the consequences of their decisions. Israel never did recover
> and even Judah only ended up with a remnant of it's former
> self. Again and again, God says to his people, "you must be holy,
> for I am holy," and "you must perge the evil from among you."
> Greg and I have drawn a lot on the lessons of parenting from
> God as He dealt with Judah and Israel. We continue to pray for Chris
> and we continue to allow contact, but he knows that he is not welcome
> home to live and he is really respecting us for it. There are a lot
> of things that he has done, and choices he has made, that I don't
> like. Things have happened to him that I don't like. It really hurt
> to learn that almost everything we ever gave him over the years was
> either trashed or stolen, but that is the result of his choices and,
> eventually, I believe that he will see that fully.
> I think that there is a reason why the prodigal left and
> didn't do his blatant sinning in his father's home. He had to get to
> the place where he couldn't blame anybody else any more. At home,
> there's always someone to blame and there's always someone who will
> give in to your foolishness, just one more time. In the world, you
> begin to face the truth, which is, sin is cruel, but God is always near.
> I know that you're still hoping that you can help
> Gretchen. What good parent wouldn't? But, you may not be the direct
> tool that God needs to use to help her see reality. I remember your
> experience, when you had pneumonia when you said that God told you to
> give Gretchen to Him. Have you really figured out what He meant by that
> yet?
> I know that I don't have answers, just my way of seeing
> things. Bluntly, if it were me, I'd have her leave, for the sake of
> the children. This has to be confusing for them as well, but that's
> just me. Perhaps I'm too hard nosed. After all, my own prodigal
> hasn't exactly come home and fallen on my neck in all out
> repentance and offered to be a servant, so, perhaps I'm too tough
> and your way is right. All I can say is, we have a peaceful home now
> and I love it. Chris comes home for visits and he's on his best
> behavior and we all love that even more. He never swears at me any
> more and he is polite. We still don't trust him and he has earned
> that, but he accepts that as a result of his past and present
> behavior. He is still choosing to live in termoil, but we have been
> removed from it and I thank God for that.
> You've given me good advice, phil, and I thank you for
> it. Please at least consider what I've said.
> Kathy, a fellow, struggling parent
>
>
> P.S.
> In another post, you asked the question, "what is a friend?" I hope
> that in this answer I have demonstrated to you what I believe a true
> friend is. A true friend doesn't just slap the trite phrase, "I'm
> praying for you," translated, "I pray that God rubber stamps your
> will," on everything. A friend speaks up, when necessary, in love
> and takes the risk that she will be shot back at with anger, because
> truth is so important to both.
>
>
> At 04:01 PM 6/23/2006, you wrote:
> >So, if you had a daughter, who is attending drug rehab classes, worki ng,
> and
> >trying to stay clean, yet she has an unsaved boyfriend with whom she often
> >spends entire nights with and doesn't come home until morning to get ready
> >for work, would you, and I have two questions here. First, would you allow
> >her, at her age of 27 and since she is an adult with the right to live her
> >own life the way she wishes, allow her to rent from you and live in your
> >same house? Second, if you are a Christian and your ministry is nothing
> but
> >Christ centered, not to mention your whole life, consider that your
> daughter
> >is really trying and thus you should allow her to live as she wishes as
> long
> >as she pays rent? Just curious. You don't have to be a parent to answer.
> >Keep in mind, this same person steels from you, and from others, takes
> >things to the pong shop to get extra money, and comes to churc h but seems
> >more to be playing the part than living what she believes. Her goal is to
> >be clean, not Christian, in my opinion. So, now what do you think?
> >
> >Phil.
> >
> >
> >Has He Ever Crossed Your Mind?
> >www.SafePlaceFellowship.com
>