Criminal Trespass
By Baba Galleh Jallow
"Who the hell is that?" Dr. Badmouth NoBrains angrily demanded.
"Open the damn door and you will know!" came the angry retort.
The banging grew louder. It seemed as if several people were now hitting the door with clubs and iron rods. The very floor of his room shook as Dr. NoBrains vigorously trembled and frantically looked around for a place to hide. For whoever was at his door was extremely angry and out to get him.
Before he could dash under the bed, the door flew off its hinges and an angry group of men burst into his room. Dr. NoBrains shouted at the top of his voice, but no sound came. He tried to run but felt as if he had no feet. Standing there grinning angrily at him were all his major business rivals and they were shouting, "get him, kill him!" With raised clubs, the angry men rushed upon Dr. NoBrains and this time, he found his voice. Yelling at the top of his voice, Dr. NoBrains found himself sitting up in bed, shaking violently. It was the third successive night that he had had that bad dream.
Having calmed down a bit, Dr. NoBrains jumped off his bed and reached for his iron coat. He had worn that coat only once since he ordered it from China. He was going to wear it again today, as well as his iron pants and his iron boots. He was going to make sure that those evil devils that dared to intrude into his dreams would be sent ten feet deep. No, he had no time for any brushing of teeth or showers. He had to get to the business square. He would take his iron public speaker system and would stand in the middle of our little town and tell all those idiots just what he thought they were: Nothing but a bunch of jealous fools, hypocrites and parasites, absolute good-for-nothings who would never challenge him in the world of business as far as our little town is concerned. He would let them see that as managing director of the famous Yaahagi Enterprises, he was the number one guy in our little town and must remain the number one guy in our little town. He would show all those jealous midgets that even after his death, he would still be the number one guy in the lucrative business world of our little town. Let the sky fall!
Thus smartly dressed in his iron pants, his iron coat and his iron boots, Dr. Badmouth NoBrains hobbled down his iron stairs making such a loud clanking noise that the chickens on his poultry farm all flew off, loudly quaking and flapping their wings in utmost fright. But Dr. NoBrains did not give a hoot about stupid chickens. He was going to put those stupid folks in their place that day, and he did not give a hoot if all the chickens in the world flapped their stupid wings and quaked their stupid lungs out.
You see, over the years, Dr. Badmouth NoBrains of Yaahagi Enterprises was the undisputed leader of our business world. All the top brand names were registered to Yaahagi Enterprises. The biggest foreign investors invariably sought out the great Dr. NoBrains. Whoever went shopping and did not come home with a Yaahagi brand name was considered a fool and a cheap shot. So that the great guy reigned with supreme comfort and did not worry at all about rivals. Yaahagi Enterprises was too big for all those petty businessmen who tried to compete with him. Dr. NoBrains himself towered like a giant over the heads of his Lilliputan competitors. So that when they made any unpleasant noises, Dr. NoBrains simply fired a small bombshell that would stink so bad that they would run hiding or catch the flu. In the end, they just made small noises that did not worry the great guy at all. And so he too, fired only very small bombshells that just drove the flies away.
But then suddenly all that changed. Some stupid business expert put the stupid idea into his opponents that they should come together and form one big business group. That way, the stupid expert told the puny little things, they can get bigger than Dr. NoBrains and drive him out of business. At first, Dr. NoBrains dismissed reports of the formation of such a new business group as mere lies and rumors circulated by his many jealous enemies. "No one can form a big group to challenge me", he boasted and his cronies loudly cooed and clapped for him and called him dad. "And if they do", Dr. NoBrains bragged, "I will make sure that they know who I really am." At which assurance the cronies raised such a cloud of dust that we all caught the common cold and coughed and spluttered for many weeks to come. But Dr. NoBrains was wrong. For once, our all-knowing big wig was wrong. The small competitors did succeed in launching a massive business group that threatened to swallow our giant Dr. NoBrains. It was then that the terrible nightmares began for our gentle Doctor. Every night, as soon as he closed his eyes, the loud banging would start, the door would fall and the angry group would rush toward him with their massive clubs and iron rods. And Dr. NoBrains would wake up screaming.
As he clanged down his iron stairs, Dr. Badmouth NoBrains suddenly had an idea! In fact, he was going to sue them all for criminal trespass, invasion of privacy and unwelcome existence with intent to cause serious bodily harm.