>From: "Ceesay, Soffie" <[log in to unmask]> >Reply-To: The Gambia and related-issues mailing list              <[log in to unmask]> >To: [log in to unmask] >Subject: Re: Question/Habibi/Jabou/Soffie >Date: Tue, 2 Mar 2004 05:42:24 -0800 > >This institution has been so perverted, to the point, that I continually >question it's "natural-ness" :-).  Some sisters actually consider taking >their own lives than to leave the situation because of what people will say. >Those who remain and endure in front of and because of the kids, are >diminished - the children end up hating them for allowing it to happen and >powerless at the same time because they cannot help their mother. > >A dimension to spousal abuse which I find myself constantly challenging some >of these women on is their sense of self.  The verbal abuse which often >times accompanies the physical abuse is more damaging and lasts far much >longer.  The sisters start owning these demeaning descriptions - I'm having >none of that with them!  I have my own insecurities and God knows I do not >need my significant other telling me how stupid or local I am after beating >the hell out of me.  Yes, the struggle continues! > >I've thought a lot about why some women do not leave abusive relationships. >When "I" left my mother's house, where my three sisters and "I" slept on one >bed or on the floor, coming back with 2 more bodies to that same milieu >creates more hardship and carries a social stigma.  Add to that my uncle who >gave me away telling me "munyal, sa dorm yi nyoi barkeh".  If this were >true, why are so many of us suffering/struggling when we know and have seen >how our parents suffered in their marriages. I pointed out this paradox to >some elders and all they could do was agree.  All of Gambia's children >should be successful because our parents did "saye"! > >Knowledge and the ability to do for one-self, supported by legislation is >the key.  We have to work on enforceable legislation.  Couple this with >knowledge about our rights in tandem with programs for economic empowerment >and we have a chance at sustainable development.  What do you think? > >Soffie > > > >-----Original Message----- >From: Ndey Jobarteh [mailto:[log in to unmask]] >Sent: Tuesday, March 02, 2004 6:19 AM >To: [log in to unmask] >Subject: Re: Question/Habibi/Jabou/Soffie > > > >Soffie, > > > >You are right I remember the saying that you have to stay in your marriage. >The pains, beating and harassment is part of marriage, you have to stay for >your kids.  Your kids won't be of any good if you are not patience and >endure all the pains that come with marriage life.  These are the things >that keep these women in the marriage and the economic conditions as well. >Some women will ask you what will I do if I leave him. I can't take care of >my kids alone. What will people say? How will I be judged? This is not only >in Gambia is throughout Africa. In my daily work I have to come across these >cases everyday and believe me it can be heart breaking and painful. > >  Yes, knowledge is the tool and key to everything but also as Jabou has >rightly said we need policies and laws to protect these women and children. >It was a big thing here in Ghana a very powerful woman, this is a woman I >really admire and cherish. Very successful business woman. I came back from >my leave last year and I heard her using her maiden name and I asked I was >told that she divorced the husband. My shock was the fact that this woman >was being abused by the husband. The physical beating and abuse was >unbearable to the extend that she has to come public. > >It was so sad that the papers had to carry the story but I guess it comes >with her position and influence in the Ghanaian society. There are many >cases like this. > >  The Ghanaian women's movement is now engaged in a big advocacy and lobbying >for the Domestic Violence Bill to be passed by parliament. Most of the >parliamentarians who are men are afraid of the Bill to be passed in >parliament. People still feels that domestic violence is a private matter >but evidence had shown that so many women are killed and murdered in the >name of domestic violence. One of the successful cases the women's movement >in Ghana has is the establishment of WAJU (Women and Juvenile Unit of the >Police) these people deal with domestic violence cases, they are trained >Police Officers in this area.  So now you cannot go to the police to report >that your husband has broken your hand and the police will say that "this is >a private matter. Call the elders and resolve it at home." > >  Some parts of Africa, women are inherited after the death of their husband >by their husband's brother.  All properties belong to the family of the >husband even if there are kids. They can throw you out of your marital home >with your kids. > >  I kept on asking myself how many men will accept their daughters being >beaten, harassed and abused by their spouses. How many? I asked this >question because my father won't even allow you to talk to his daughter any >how. I remember one of my cousin sister was beaten by her husband. When she >narrated the story to my Mum, she insisted that my father should not know >about the issue.  So, I decided to inform my father about it, he got up went >to the house and literally beat the guy up. I was shocked and my father said >to him never lay your hands on my kid and he told him that is over. > >  When I join the women's movement I kept asking myself is this how men are? >I won't beat, harass and abuse my daughter but I can beat some ones >daughter, mother, sister who happen to be my wife. > >  Another thing is also the whole word WIFE. People take it to be ownership, >as long as you are my wife i own you, your are my property and this is where >the whole problem lies. > >  I am glad that this discussion is taking place during the women's week. >Next Week will be International Women's Day, March 8th. > > > > > >The Struggle Continues!!! > >Ndey Jobarteh > > >   _____ > >Stay in touch better and keep protected online with MSN's NEW all-in-one >Premium Services. Find out more   here.

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