A little musing on childrearing (to Kat and Bobby, and anyone else):

I think it's unfortunate the way we think of children at times.  I meet a lot of women online who want to teach small children, or who have small children of their own.  More often than not, what these women want is not a child--it is an affirmation of their self.  I also know quite a few parents (my own included) who rant about the teen years, and who'd certainly agree with the sentiments expressed recently about skipping that stage entirely.

Seldom, if ever, do I meet an adult who waxes nostalgic about the teenage years--except to state what they learned NOT to do, who they decided NOT to be.  It is something of a romantic fiction in our culture, I think, the pictures we paint of idyllic, trusting childhood and confidently brash, "world as oyster" twentysomething young adulthood, and the shroud we place over the teen enigma in the interim.

It occurs to me that in that fragile corridor of years between pigtails and graduation tassels, in that short, chaotic space between presumed innocence and assumed responsibility, THAT is the time when children--when people--need love the most.  Yes, a three-month-old babe is undeniably helpless, in need of sustenance.  But so, in truth, is everyone, in one way or another.  I've heard and read about parents whose identity is literally built upon their small children and unfathomably enriched by the young adults these little tykes become.  I know from watching my brother and listening to my parents and grandparents how much raising a child can define oneself, and how proud the tiniest of accomplishments make a parent.

And I think that what we have to find between the sullen silences and screaming tantrums, the reticence and rebellion of our teenage kids is a way to be ourselves, to KNOW ourselves as we are without anyone deciding or defining it--because only by doing that can we truly give ourselves up without fear of losing who we are.  In a culture that has set us adrift on a pendulum swinging wantonly between self-gratification and selflessness, I think parenting a teen requires the most difficult task of all:  finding the balance between the two.

Comments gratefully encouraged,