We will drill for oil whenever and wherever we
please. If tourists don't
like rigs off the coast of Florida, they can go fly
fishing in Wyoming. We
won't be deterred by a few Arctic terns. We don't care
about caribou. We
don't care for cardigans. Give us our 69 degrees, winter
and summer. Let
there be light - no timers, no freaky-shaped long-life bulbs.
(We invented
the light bulb.)
We want our refrigerators cold and our
freezers colder. Bring on the Freon.
Banish those irritating toilets that
restrict flow. When we flush, we flush
all the way. We will perfect the dream
of nuclear power. We will put our
toxic waste wherever we want, whenever we
waste it. We have whole states
with nothing better to do than serve as
ancestral burial grounds for our
effluvium. It can fester in those wide open
spaces for thousands of years.
We will have the biggest, baddest missiles,
and we will point them in any
direction we like, across the galaxies, through
eternity, forever and ever.
We will thrust as many satellites as we want
into outer space, and we will
surround them with a fire wall of weapons for
their protection. We will
guarantee broadband and fast connections to the
Internet. We will not permit
anybody, anywhere to threaten the delivery of
all the necessities to
computers, Palm Pilots and BlackBerrys: stock quotes,
sports scores, real
estate listings, epicurean.com recipes, porn. (O.K., we
didn't invent porn.)
By arming space, and protecting satellites, we
ensure life, liberty and the
pursuit of happiness - our 500 TV channels drawn
from the ether.
We will modify food in any way we want and send it to any
country we see fit
at prices that we and we alone determine in the cargo
ships we choose.
Our international banking arm, the World Bank and the
IMF, will support
whatever dictatorships suit us best.
We will fly up
any coast of any nation on earth with any plane filled with
any surveillance
equipment and top guns that we possess.
We will buy, carry, conceal and
shoot firearms whenever and wherever we
want, as is our constitutionally
guaranteed right. (We invented the
Constitution.) We will kill any criminal
we want, by lethal injection or
electrocution. (We invented
electricity.)
We are America.