i personally think god has a sense of humor. i have laughed while reading the bible. and i think god likes it when someone "gets it." -----Original Message----- From: Laura Cleveland [mailto:[log in to unmask]] Sent: Tuesday, March 21, 2000 12:01 PM To: [log in to unmask] Subject: Re: Ask A Wiccan...From "The Onion" Personally, I find the potato thing really funny. Guess I am one of those irreverant Christians. ---------- > From: Trisha Cummings <[log in to unmask]> > To: [log in to unmask] > Subject: Re: Ask A Wiccan...From "The Onion" > Date: Tuesday, March 21, 2000 12:03 PM > > If it's "The Onion" a satirical magazine at http://www.theonion.com/ it > is poking fun - I am not upset - they also Found Christ in a Potato. > > > > > I dont get it either. It looks like a lot of things Trisha has said. Do > you > > think this was meant to be funny, or an actual column? > > > > ---------- > > > From: Kyle E. Cleveland <[log in to unmask]> > > > To: [log in to unmask] > > > Subject: Ask A Wiccan...From "The Onion" > > > Date: Tuesday, March 21, 2000 10:38 AM > > > > > > Dear Wiccan, > > > Our youngest child just went off to college, and empty-nest syndrome = > > > has > > > really begun to set in. My wife and I thought this would be a time for = > > > us to > > > rediscover our freedom, but instead the joy has left our household. Any > > > tips? > > > --Lonesome In Lodi=20 > > > > > > Dear Lonesome,=20 > > > Blessed be! When forming your Coven, be mindful that it is very = > > > different > > > from performing your Workings as a solitary witch. Rituals involving a > > > Gathering of pagans, led by a wise High Priest or Priestess, are much = > > > more > > > powerful through the Coven. Drawing down the moon, consecrating a = > > > sacred > > > bolline-knife and casting the scrying magicks alongside your > > > widdershins-walking fellow-souls is not only a real and powerful = > > > celebration > > > of Nature, it is also a solemn and dignified Communion among our folk! = > > > The > > > Lord and Lady smile upon the hour of your Circle's meeting, and may the > > > Goddess grant that your path be true and your Craft blessed!=20 > > > > > > Dear Wiccan,=20 > > > I'm a single man in his mid-30s who's never had much luck with women. I > > > become very uncomfortable and awkward around the ones I'm interested = > > > in. > > > I've talked to a lot of people about the problem, but no one ever seems > = > > > to > > > have any good advice. Can you help? > > > --Shy In Cheyenne=20 > > > > > > Dear Shy,=20 > > > Merry meet! All other dweomers being equal, the phases of Mother Moon = > > > are > > > the most powerful magickal influence upon any incantation you may = > > > devise. > > > The Goddess has charged our heavenly protectoress with the turning of = > > > tides > > > and seasons--astral as well as earthly--and as She waxes and wanes, so = > > > does > > > the potency of our charms! In some of Her phases, the amethyst crystal = > > > can > > > sharpen your sixth sense, and it may be twinned to your runestones, or = > > > even > > > steeped in a healthful nettle-and-foxglove tea to aid in your > > > scrying-spells. But beware! In other phases, the opposite is true, and = > > > using > > > any crystal but the blood-tourmaline will rend your power from you or = > > > twist > > > your magicks along the Dark Path! So that you may step carefully, = > > > consult > > > with your circle's Elders before attempting any of the rituals or > > > incantations of the Major Arcana. If your Elders are fasting, = > > > meditating or > > > Wind-walking, seek ye the 69 convergent Lunar phases in the grimoiries = > > > of > > > our hallowed Sage, Wolfling SilverRaven. At the very least, please = > > > consult > > > your Tarot!=20 > > > > > > Dear Wiccan,=20 > > > My son is probably just a normal 15-year-old, but he seems to want > > > absolutely everything: CD players, video games, cellular phones--even a > = > > > car! > > > I want to be good to him and treat him to nice things, but I don't want > = > > > to > > > spoil him rotten. How much stuff is too much for today's teen?=20 > > > --Behind The Times In Trenton=20 > > > > > > Dear Trenton,=20 > > > May Brigid bless your path! The Wiccan Rede entreats all of our = > > > fellowship > > > to do as we will, but remember: The most important law is to Harm None! > > > Injudicious use of passion spells, Fascination-charms or love potions = > > > to > > > bind an unwitting being to your soul, whether human lover or feline > > > familiar, is unworthy of even the Horn=E9d God! The person thus = > > > ensorcelled is > > > bereft of Freewill and becomes a mere golem without motivation of his = > > > or her > > > own. This is but a mockery of love, and if non-Wiccans find that we = > > > have > > > been practicing such strong and forbidden Magicks, their wrath would be > > > kindled and the Burning Times upon us again! Wicca is not about power = > > > or > > > control. Wicca is the sun on one's face, the breeze in one's hair, the > > > mysteries of the stars, sun, moon and everything else that science = > > > cannot > > > explain. Only by staying true to Goddess, Rede and Craft may we = > > > harmonize > > > with the ebb and flow of Nature's cycles. Stray from this, and we shall > = > > > be > > > exiled to the Dark Lands in a dark time! Blessed Parting, my brethren = > > > and > > > sistren!=20 > > > > > > Morganna Goldenwand is a syndicated advice columnist whose weekly = > > > column, > > > Ask A Wiccan, appears in over three newspapers nationwide. She is also = > > > the > > > author of Tread Lightly: A Guide To The Sacred Woodland Glades Of Upper > > > Illinois, and has just released a CD, Blessed Morning!, a collection of > > > Celtic chants accompanied by crystal Tibetan singing bowls