On Sunday 14 Jul 2002 1:55 am, Michael H Collis wrote:
> To laugh...
> These are extracts from actual letters sent to various
> and Housing associations throughout the UK:
> 1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has
> backfired and
> burnt my knob off.
> 2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very
> when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
> 3. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his
> against my fence.
> 4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the
> toilet roof. I think it was that bad wind the other
> night that
> blew them off.
> 5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming
> away from
> the wall.
> 6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path,
> my wife
> tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is
> 7. I request permission to remove my drawers in the
> kitchen. 50%
> of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and
> the rest
> are plain filthy.
> 8. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children
> until it
> is cleared.
> 9. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is
> a funny
> colour and not fit to drink.
> 10. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in
> three pieces.
> 11. I want to complain about the farmer across the road,
> morning at 6:00am his cock wakes me up and its now
> getting too
> much for me.
> 12. The man next door has a large erection in the
> garden, which
> is unsightly and dangerous.
> 13. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small
> children and
> would like a third so please send someone round to do
> about it.
> 14. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and
> would you
> please do something about the noise made by the man I
> have on top
> of me every night.
> 15. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the
> job and
> satisfy my wife.
> 16. I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor
> six times
> but I still have had no satisfaction.
> 17. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my
> back passage has fungus in it.
> 18. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole
> house and I
> just can't take it any more.