thats okay trisha, i don't express emotions much either. don't mean they r
not there, just not visable.
From: Trisha Cummings [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: Monday, March 13, 2000 12:18 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: For Moms
Sorry, about wife number one. Hopefully number two has worked out
I posted that becasue it touched something in me - you see I had an
step/adopted father - began physically abusing me at about age 2 and
sexually abusing me at age 5 - culmunating in full blow rape at age 11. In
order to maintain my sanity - I simply shut down emotionally - I had no idea
I could even love until I had had Amber for 6 months. I didn't like the
feeling - it hurt. I still don't like emotions - they are messy and
illogical. Since I never learned how to deal with emotions as a child - I
have been learning to deal with them, since Amber. I have learned I can
hate, I can love, I have temper and my feelings are very fragile and I am
hurt exceedingly easily. The saving grace (and ironically the reason some of
you will always be on the opposite side of anything I say - logical or
not) - is being a Witch. Where I once used the teachings to help me becasue
I had no emotions and had to deal with people who did/do. Now I used the
teachings to learn to control and deal with the emotions. I went to a
psychologist when Amber was little becasue I was afraid I might abuse her -
the woman said - I wouldn't becasue I was there looking for help. She also
said most people do not survive the level of abuse I had and the ones that
do rarely get as old I was then - late 30's - they have either commited
suicide, literally or died thru drug and alcohol abuse, and a few languish
in the back of insane aslyums.
And for all the guys - who are jumping on this as insult becasue its not
including them -some Mother wrote that. As no one can express emotions for
someone else - but we can empathize with what is written - I shared
something that expressed what I have learned -maybe you should get out there
and write a DAD one - I can't. My experience with men is if they can't beat
or screw you - they ridule or ignore you. Bobby - our Bobby - is really the
first man who has shown me men can be something else and I think he walks on
water. Ken, you and Kyle - are good eamples to, but you guys are still
ankle deep!! LOL What I have learned is we are all human and dividing
people up into good/bad doesn't work - we all have good stuff - we all have
bad stuff and we all deserve to be loved and have our bad stuff treated with
compassion and understanding.
> I TOOK CARE OF MUCH MORE THAT MY FORMER WIFE opps. my first wife i met in
> the south islands of the philipines. she left as soon as she could without
> being deported. having a baby is part of the routine since ins will
> practically never deport the mother of an american citizen. she would have
> little to do with the baby after birth. she left me with an 18 month old
> when she left.
> a little of my past that you guys have not heard.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Trisha Cummings [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
> Sent: Monday, March 13, 2000 11:14 AM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: For Moms
> Hi Ken,
> I think most Dad's solve that problem by handing the kid to MOM!!
> good for you if you didn't!! And even a bigger attaboy - for a real active
> parent - I have never had a real father and Amber only had for the first
> years of her life - and he didn't do much.
> Brightest Blessings
> > I HAVE BEEN barfed on, craped on, pee'ed on, bit, scracthed, etc. all
> > physical stuff i handled in stride. i never took that too badly. but the
> > crying when you knew the litttle sucker was in pain and not knowing what
> > do is the hard stuff.