------------------------------------------

Take heart, anyone among you who believes you are technologically
challenged, you "ain't seen nuthin'" yet. This is an excerpt from a Wall
Street Journal article:

        Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press
Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

        AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was
hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the
plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

        Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to
fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician
discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front
of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.

        Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no
longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water
and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing
them individually.

        A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid." The tech
explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses
shouldn't be taken personally.

        A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He
told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer."
The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer
--but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

        An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her
new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in,
the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her
response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The
"foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

        Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new
computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and
sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what
happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"

        Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for
support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the
second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the
third disk, I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that
"Insert Disk 2" implied to remove Disk 1 first.

        True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp: CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech
Support?"
TECH: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
CALLER: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my
warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
TECH: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
CALLER: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
TECH: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am.
Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you
get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
CALLER: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a
promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he
couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the
load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the
drive.

        A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was running it under windows." The woman
responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The
man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is
working fine."



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