Microsoft TV Dinner

 Instructions For Microsoft's New TV Dinners:

 You must first remove the plastic cover.  By doing so, you agree to
accept
 and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners.  You may not give
anyone else
 a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of
Microsoft's
 rights).  You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner
and are
 encouraged to tell them how good it is.

 If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven.
Set the
 oven using these keystrokes:

 mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat

 Then enter:

 ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.now

 If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and press
start.
 The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.

 If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the
ingredients
 of the dinner found on the package label, the weight of the dinner,
and the
 desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will calculate
the time
 and heat and cook the dinner exactly to your specification.

 Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your
oven must
 be restarted.  This is a simple procedure.  Remove the dinner from
the oven
 and enter:

 ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again/again.damnit

 This process may have to be repeated.  Try unplugging the microwave
and then
 doing a cold reboot.  If this doesn't work, contact your oven
vendor.  The
 oven itself is obviously on the blink.

 Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger
than
 the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which
are
 empty.  These are for future menu items. If the tray is too large to
fit in
 your oven, you will need to upgrade your equipment.

 Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the
chicken
 variety is currently produced.  If you want another variety, call
Microsoft
 Help and they will explain that you really don't want another
variety.
 Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.

 Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of
their
 chicken dinners.  Future releases will only be in the larger family
size.
 Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must be saved only
in
 Microsoft approved packaging.

 Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However,
that
 version has yet to be released.  Users have permission to get
thrilled in
 advance.

 Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the
freezer,
 causing your freezer to self-defrost.  This is a feature, not a bug.
Your
 freezer probably should have been defrosted, anyway.

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