Phil Genova wrote:

> At the risk of  offending Hans with an unrelated topic to the purpose of this
> list, I'd like to give a different spin on this problem Mary is having.  See, I
> don't think the real issue is about  the hubbie sabotaging Mary, I think it goes
> both ways.  The only good advice I ever got from a marriage counselor (hey, he
> was a vegetarian, what did I expect . . ) was this:  IF YOU WANT SOMETHING FROM
> YOUR HUSBAND, THEN GIVE IT FIRST.   Let's get some perspective here.  Mary didn't
> come to the altar carrying pemmican in her loincloth.  She changed buffalos
> mid-stream.  Poor hubbie is the one who feels sabotaged.  Same cave-wife,
> different viddles, new rules.  So, being like most cavemen out on the savannah,
> he has to do something real loud to be heard over her newfound zeal.  I know, he
> says, "Let's give the neanderbabies some doughnuts.  That'll really get  the
> cavewife good and pissed off.  Now she'll get a taste of  the  sabotage she's
> been dishing out.  Besides, he thinks, "Is this paleocrap worth the price she
> pays  for it?  Why, she even puts her newfound hero, some skinny dude named Ray,
> before me.  He's her new neanderguru. Me no more boss in my own cave anymore.
> Now me just chopped liver . . .   "
>  Soooooo,  I think there's some key things to remember.  First, even the most
> beautifully prepared meal turns to poison if there is no love, or harmony at the
> table.  Don't believe me, then try eating during an argument. Hey, you want to
> see kids get into a real "fetal position", even better than one from eating some
> gluten?  Try arguing  with your mate at the  dinner  table in front of them  and
> for added measure, start  throwing things, and hurling accusations and maybe even
> not trusting the kids to be anywhere within a car's  length of a  fast food drive
> up window alone with their very own dad, who they just want to love.  Second,
> Mary, you refer to Paleo as "Your Way of  Life"  That gives it too much clout, if
> you ask me.  What happens to those closest to you, if they don't go along with
> your "Way of Life? "  Hey, and better yet, what happens if in ten years, you
> ditch this way of  eating for another ?  Remember, you've already got a track
> record for change (like all of us).  Now that's my definition of feeling
> sabotaged.  Remember, we're talking about food here - not God.  Does your diet
> serve you or do you serve it.  Put another way - Do you live to eat or do you eat
> to live?  Everything is relative in the larger scheme of  things.  Sounds like
> you got a second lease on life following a devastating illness.  Also, you were
> savy enough to figure out how to help your kids with paleo. But, unless your
> husband is a psychopath or sadist, who enjoys seeing his kids suffer, my guess is
> he really loves them, too.  Don't get caught up in the small stuff. Life is too
> short. Do your paleo gig, if it serves you.  But  in my life, when something
> starts to unglue the family, rather than unite us, its time to make some
> changes.  A rigid tree snaps more readily in a storm than a  more flexible one.
> Remember, there is beauty and perfection in everything, even in the absolute
> roundness of a doughnut. . . . .
>    ( Sorry if this seems a bit flippant.  Just have seen the devastation on kids
> that a diet done to the point of  fanaticism can cause - emotional, especially.
> Kids don't give two damns about philosophy, they just want the food served hot
> and on time.)
>
> Judy Genova, cave-girl newbie, mom  and fellow cancer survivor.