Mark,
I think I'm confused about genetically predisposed and sensitized from over
exposure.  I believe the kind of allergic response your son has was something
he was probably born with, with that particular gentic marker.  I don't think
it was something your wife ate that caused that allergy.  I do believe though,
in my sons case, I over exposed him by eating dairy while I was pregnant when
I was unaware of my own intolerance from over exposure ( he cried from the day
he was born) and my breast milk continued (not began) his exposure to a
product he was already sensitized to because I was constantly eating dairy.  I
believe if I had stopped eating dairy during pregnancy, and while I was
breastfeeding, I could have helped to turn that sensitivity around (or maybe
just deferred it as you suggest) but his present day allergies to dairy would
be a lot less than they are.  I also believe that if he had never  been
exposed to milk at any stage he might be able to handle yogurt (homemade) and
cheeses (that have low lactose) and are not as over processed as milk. But for
someone like your son, I think you're right, that would not be the case. So
isn't there a difference and didn't I pass on the allergy by what I ate or did
I just sensitize him early on?  I want to help my daughter avoid the same
mistake when she has children.  I believe this has been passed down for
generations in my family.
By the way, still not wetting the bed since I stopped dairy with my 10yr. old
son!  It was that simple?  Still can't make a definitive answer to the
emotional issues, though I think better. Thanks, Jane