The posts on milk-free etiquette have really been interesting. We have
recently hit the 4-year-old birthday circuit with our anaphylactic to
milk and peanuts daughter.

Almost all the parties have had suppers based around milk products with
pizza and macaroni and cheese being the party favorites so far.
Avigayil's allergies are well known in our neighborhood and parents are
very willing to accommodate us. Like others on the list, I've found that
the host/ess really wants everyone to enjoy themselves, and if that
means some work-around solutions to foods then it's no problem at all.

Depending on the party (ie how much the parents involved know about our
particular needs) I have send Avigayils' supper with her, or arranged a
substitute like maccaroni with ketchup instead of cheese. So far,
although it's scary to send her to parties on her own, I've been firm
about letting her be like any other 4-year-old and not staying at the
party to watch over her. She's very aware of her food limitations and I
think it's important to let her start taking some responsibility for
herself.

In any event, I am never too far away, always reachable by phone, and
always leave an epipen at the party with a designated parent just in
case. At first I was worried about asking another parent to handle the
responsibility of the epipen, but so far no one has refused and the word
is getting out that inviting Avigayil means inviting her epipen too.
Does anyone else have experience with this with preschoolers? I'd be
interested to hear more views on what you do for playdates etc.

Debbie Benstein
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